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Jan 05, 2023

I had fun todays I was out before dark.  Left some food for the birds & removed empty cans I'd discarded to the side of the drive. 

 

Saw excited squirrel watching me, for the 1st time.  I'm becoming recognized.  Heard another that I didn't see. 

 

Used daylight to walk down to 6th Street by Moss Bay.  The urge to play/explore was irresistible.  So I allowed myself the pleasures of hopping and skipping about the still holiday light-lit Google Kirkland campus. 

 

First, there was this streetlight bench thing (I did dance through the dub step Christmas music-enhanced 1/2 circle lights last night) with buttons - I had to for the first time see what the buttons did - would they turn on the big light?  It was a partially covered bench with changing stations and free wifi!  I want to work on my computer there soon tonight I planned to but now idk!

​

I forgot about the potentil light in my awe of the contraption.  Moved on to like "Stel rail garden" or something after bouncing past the grasssectioned amphitheater style stone seating situated to the front/back of a bird-ish sculpture thing. 

 

Garden not too interesting , but still, very much so done to my mood. 

 

Big LED light up boxes with lids.

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Lakeview Elementary to waterfront; Lake Drive?  7th & Lake Drive boardwalk over water (duh) pretty - lot, walked to end, sat on the "floor" instead of a bench, could feel air through square holes, watched light fade to dark, golden-orange spiking across water twinkling, tall skyscrapers from Seattle 2 tall towers with their red lights regularly flashing whatever pattern. 

 

Walked toward downtown Kirkland came across bench area, collected unopened clam shells, small white rocks.  

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Kept seeing neon purple, green lights out oh water, wanted to go see what it was - an independent floating pier?  Some weird boat house?  No!  They were boats with lights!  Big, fatty yachts moored next to the end of a public moorage.  I was able to walk and trot to the end of (16 designated spaces, not many in use). 

 

From there, I noticed parking garage I emerged out of one day that I was kind of desperately wandering and spent along time in the bathroom of that building.

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Anthony's Revisited bathroom - not too long no one even came in - hungry and realized needed food and warmth.  Kinda a bummer to do chores after all the playing.  *My nostrils are insanely filled with coal-black soot.  Hit up pantries.  0 food to eat - lots for birds though, now that I'm bringing this radicool can opener with me everywhere so I can feed the birds any of the canned things at any time.  Before, I was limited to things with pop top.  I still think all canned goods should e made that way.  Why aren't they???

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To PCC to use EBT to pay for 1 cookie when I really had 2 cookies 2 bagels a mjuffin and a scone.  Scones are just

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February 2023

Where I am


I’ve been on the street since Oct. 2022:    

I’m in my situation because of the premeditated acts of a person who’s committed countless acts of DV against me & has sexually assaulted me multiple times while I slept next to our young son.  


Parent of young child:   My 3.5 y.o. son’s dad hasn’t let me see our son in 3 months.  


Shelter:   I live alone in an abandoned office building that has the windows & doors boarded up.  I use tea lights for warmth.


Food & water:    I seek out food & water daily. 


No phone:   I haven't had a phone since Thanksgiving.

 
Clothing:  I'm in need of clothes & undergarments that fit & are clean.


Sobriety:   I don't presently use drugs, smoke or vape, or drink alcohol in any amount.


Efforts to improve my situation


In-person networking:  In Oct. 2022, I applied to volunteer at Lifelong Aids Alliance Thrift Store to meet people who could help me get connected with real housing resources.


Scholarship for Google Certification:   In Nov. 2022, I was awarded a full scholarship for Google’s Digital Marketing & E-Commerce Professional Certificate.  However, due to issues getting online, I’ve only completed the introductory coursework. 


Employment with FedEx:   In Dec. 2022, FedEx invited me for a new hire orientation after I applied & passed a background check.   I couldn't go because I had to search by foot for shelter in the snow.


Communications seeking assistance: I’ve sent emails to assistance organizations that I’ve been unable to completely follow-up on.


Contact to a friend:  I reached out to an old friend & asked to stay with her for a week.  She said no.


WHEEL emergency women’s shelter:  I went to a Seattle women’s shelter 2 hours before I was told to & got an overflow spot on the floor between the bathroom & the rest of the shelter.  I got very sick that night.  When I came back the next day, I was turned away 2x because I was early. The 3rd time I came back, all overflow spots were full. I was very ill & ended up going home with a drug-addicted stranger.

​

Where I was 

 

In Sept. 2022, I was living with my son, Haven (3.5 y.o.), & his father, Max (43 y.o.).  We’d all lived together for at least 1 year.    
Parenting Haven:  I took care of Haven 7 days/week & worked online while Max was gone. We visited places like the
BNSF train yard, Olympic Sculpture Park, the monorail, Seattle Center, the carousel and Seattle waterfront piers, construction sites, the Lake Washington waterfront, boat launches, trails & beaches, and parks & playgrounds around the city.  I’d push him miles on his bike for “bike rides,” I’d push him on the swings & do “underdogs.” We picked apples & berries.  We took walks through nearby neighborhoods & braved unknown footpaths we saw.  We had picnics, chased wild rabbits, played in the yard, coaxed bugs out of hiding, & watered the garden.  We played games like hide & seek, pretend, and we’d roll around & jump on the bed.  We played with his toys: we’d have car races or build train track sets together.  Haven helped me prepare food.  We built forts together.  Haven & I read together, and did different kinds of art; he loves to paint.  We were working on the storyline for a children’s book together  about a train that was powered by the vibrations of buzzing bees & carried Haven’s favorite kinds of trucks & construction machines as cargo.

​

Romantic involvement:  Max & I were not in a romantic relationship while I lived there & because of this, we were on unfriendly terms. 


Max's neighboring parents:  We lived only a few houses from where Max grew up & where his parents still live.  


Max's neighboring landlord, Josef:  The apt. we lived in is 1 of 2 units in a duplex shared with Josef, Max’s landlord & childhood neighbor-friend.  


Josef’s neighboring parents:   Josef’s parents live 1 house away from where we lived in the house he grew up in.


My income:  I'd been successfully doing business as an online merchant for over 4 years.  Prior to that, I worked as a paralegal.  I have an AA degree & an ABA paralegal certificate.  


Aspiring entrepreneur:  I was in the process of writing a business plan, gathering documents to perform a  feasibility analysis, & sending donation requests for a business I planned to start. 


Self-education:   I enrolled in courses online through sites like Alison and Coursera that focused on entrepreneurship, ecommerce & parenting.


My car: In Aug. 2022, the car I owned was hit while parked. The damage left it undriveable.  

​

Summary of how I got here


Max wanted me to leave but didn't want to tell me:   I think Max had a girlfriend he wanted to bring to the apartment we shared without speaking to me about it- at all, ever.  The 2 weeks leading up to Sept. 19, 2022, Max was gone without explanation every night.


Max stole my wallet:  During those 2 weeks, Max stole my wallet, my laptop & my vibrator.  Max gave my laptop & vibrator back, plus 3 other vibrators he’d previously taken.  He told me he’d kept all my vibrators in a safe he had nailed to the floor in the bedroom closet. 


Max took Haven from my care:  On Sept. 19, Max left with Haven & didn’t return with him. 


Landlord illegally told me to leave:  On Sept. 20, Max sent Josef into the apartment. Josef said I was trespassing & he’d evict “Max & Haven” if I didn’t leave in 5 days. He acted very angry, which I found out of context & perplexing.


My plan for shelter & income:  After 2 days, my plan involved living in a 24-hour access workspace & earning money as fast as I could until I could get a car & a place to live.


Power & internet removed:  I had an appointment with ActivSpace 3 days after Josef’s visit.  However, that day, Max shut the power off, which removed my internet access & kept me from keeping my appointment. Max also removed all the apartment doors that day.


Trapped:  I knew if I left, Max & Josef would lock me out.  I didn’t have my wallet or a working phone.  I would’ve had nowhere to go & no way to pay for a place to go.  


Max’s harassment & theft of my belongings:  I was on the receiving end of passive aggressive harassment from Max, who appeared randomly & took almost all my belongings.

​

Josef’s harassment:  I was on the receiving end of sudden, dramatic confrontation from Josef.  He would randomly knock on the door with increasing force when I didn’t answer. It  made the entire apartment rattle.  Josef used a ladder to climb onto & stand on the roof & knock on those windows. 


Harassment by Max’s parents:  The harassment included over-dramatic, physically invasive intrusions by Max’s parents, who acted with a hysterical mania.  They destroyed toys I bought for Haven, took the non-perishable food I’d been living off of, & all window coverings, turned off the water & completely removed all plumbing fixtures so it couldn’t be used anywhere inside.  They defecated in the toilet & made it unflushable.  They spent 9+ hours making a mess of anything that remained, talking loudly & negatively about me, & making threats.


My reaction:  I didn’t, & still haven’t, reacted in a spiteful or vengeful way to any party.  I haven’t even been rude.  I find the actions taken against me very confusing & heart-wrenching.


 SPD involvement: SPD visited 2x & indicated an inability to do anything to help me or Haven. 


I left to see Haven:  At the end of Sept., I left the apartment to see Haven, who before all this, I’d been spending every day with.  I took 2 grocery bags of belongings & hid them outside.  


Trespassed from property:  I took a Lil’ Tykes t-ball set to Max’s parent’s house, where I’d been told Haven was.  I was nearly dancing with joy at the thought of playing with Haven.  Max’s dad answered my knock.  I was smiling & cheerfully asked to see Haven.  Max’s dad closed & locked the door.  He told me he was “sorry it’s come to this.”  He told me to leave or he’d call 911.  I didn’t see Haven & was trespassed from the property by SPD.  

​

Present day


Since then, I’ve been alone on the street.  It’s been cold & I see empty buildings everywhere, but it’s illegal for me to go inside.  Day centers are akin to the female general population area at SCORE.  I’ve taken shelter in parking garages, stairways, bathrooms, the SeaTac airport, self-storage facilities & new-build structures.  I’ve stayed in apartments & tents with complete strangers.  I’ve run & hid from the cops even though I hadn’t done anything wrong, I’ve walked all night because I had nowhere to go.


Street drugs:   Everyone I meet uses needles & smokes heroin & fentanyl.  They expect sex as trade for help, & when they don’t get it, they quickly get aggressively hostile.


PTSD/Noisy nightmares:  In addition to being unable to trust homeless drug addicts, it’s hard for me to find a place to rest because I have bad nightmares: I scream/yell loudly & kick at walls.   I’ve blown my own cover at most places I thought I could rest at due to bad dreams.


Fears re Max & his parents:  Max & his parents have put great effort into separating Haven & I.  I don’t know why.  Haven thrived in my care; he was a brilliant, happy, healthy child; absent any bad habits or “naughty” tendencies.  The disturbing behaviors Max’s parents have exhibited make me worry they’ve sought out someone to kill me if I don’t disappear like they want me to this time around.  They threatened to call a relative of Josef’s to ‘take care of me’ on the day they invaded the apartment. *See updates at the end of this summary*

 

My son's father


My son’s father, Max, is an abuser:  Max has been relentlessly emotionally manipulative & abusive, as well as physically abusive to me.  He’s assaulted me while he held Haven & while I held Haven.  He’s sexually assaulted me handfuls of times; I think he drugged me the 1st time.  He’s stalked me, spread lies about me, harassed me, & monitored my phone use, handwritten journals, & online blogs. He still monitors my emails. He’s written disturbing commentary on my documents & randomly left hate notes for me to find. He hacked an online account & wrote a blog post about himself.  He’s stolen almost everything I owned multiple times.  He blames me for his behavior.


Arrest for DV assault & theft:  Mas has been arrested for DV assault & theft committed against me.  I have documentation dating back to 2015 of my reports to SPD of assaults, harassment & thefts committed by him. 


My petition for DVPO:  I petitioned for a domestic violence protection order to protect myself & Haven from Max.  I was stalked & harassed the entire time between the granting of the temp. protective order & the hearing for the final order.  Though Max didn’t deny my testimony re: the stalking, defamatory actions & harassment done by him & his parents, my petition was denied.


Hostility re sex & sexual assaults:  Living with Max was miserable for me.  I was there to protect Haven, and it was stressful.  Max relentlessly went out of his way to make life miserable for me because I wouldn't have sex with him.  He harmfully manipulated my relationship with our son  Haven as a way to punish me for not having sex with him (Max), without concern for how his actions affected Haven.  He sent me degrading & sexually harassing text messages regularly. He sexually assaulted me when he felt like it.  His treatment of me in the presence of Haven was shocking & at times, extreme & demented.


Max made me trade sex for time with our son:  Max has allowed me to see Haven 2x since I was forced from the apartment we shared.  I was able to do this by getting funds to rent an Airbnb for a few days & offering to have sex with Max if he brought Haven to my location.  Max has made me trade sex for time with our son In the past during other instances when he & his family forced me from Haven’s life.

 

Max’s emotional vacancy & neglect to Haven:  I am indescribably sorrowful to report that Max has never shown an inkling of affection for our son.  Max treats Haven with an amount of neglect that is abusive.  He doesn’t feed Haven like a mature adult would feed a child.  He has an odd aversion to giving Haven water to drink.  Since I’ve been gone, Max told me all Haven eats is microwaved hot dogs - one of the only things Max will give to Haven to eat when I’m not around.  He is contemptuous toward Haven’s potty training; even when Haven didn’t make a mess, Max became irrationally angry - he would act like a child throwing a tantrum - if he had to empty Haven’s potty chair.   
Drug use: Max has been addicted to meth for more than 20 years, & does other drugs as well. The latter seem to make him notably less intelligent, nonsensically angry, & cruel.   
CPS & dirty UAs:  I’ve recently received CPS file notes about Max’s consistent submission of dirty UAs to CPS.  The notes indicate that Max had submitted so many dirty UAs that if he had 1 more, our son Haven would be legally removed from Max’s custody.  The noting CPS caseworker explicitly detailed that if Max ever for any reason at any time submitted another dirty UA to CPS, CPS would seek me out as the sole custodial parent of Haven, & that if I was sober, I could petition for sole physical & legal custody of Haven in Superior Court and easily receive it.  

​

$1,000/mo. paid to drug dealer:  I have Venmo transaction confirmations that show Max transferred an average of $1k/month to his drug dealer from May 2021 to Sept. 2022.  


Max makes & sells crack:  Max makes what I think is crack in the apartment we shared.  He started doing this around the time that he let a crackhead live in the laundry room.  The crackhead came to the door every day, all hours of the night & day, looking for Max.  Haven is terrified of him.  The crackhead still visits, & Max still makes whatever he was making with acetone, baking soda & meth.  


My urgent plea for assistance


I haven’t seen my son, Haven, in 2 months.  I am staying in a place that is likely saturated with toxins; mold and asbestos.  This shouldn’t be happening & I need help to get out of this situation.  I can’t do it on my own.  I need real help as soon as possible so that I can be reunited with my son and establish the relationships that will allow me to independently maintain a residence - as I have for most of my adult life - and seek sole custody of my son, and remove him from his abusive, drug-addicted father’s custody.


I’d like to continue my successful sales as an online merchant, but I need a stable place to stay in order to do so.  This success is the result of a presence I’ve established over the last 4+ years with countless hours of dedicated work despite unfavorable conditions.


I’d like to take advantage of employment opportunities offered to me, but I need a stable place to stay in order to do this.  I was offered a job with Fedex in December 2022 but was unable to commence employment because I didn’t have a place to sleep.


I’d like to complete the Google certification coursework I was awarded a scholarship for, but I need a regular place to stay & study without concerns about my living situation in order to do this.  


I would like to start my own business, but I need some stability in my life in order to do this.  I can’t start a business from an abandoned building I’m being stalked at; it’s not a realistic goal.  


I will be able to pull myself out of this situation with a few simple things; things that shouldn’t be difficult to get help with.  I need somewhere I can keep my things without worrying about them being stolen.  I need a place to stay where I don’t have to leave, & where I won’t get sick just from being present.  I am confident that if I get the help I need, I will be able to live independently, without any assistance in less than 2 months.


Please let me know what resources you can help me access in order to be reunited with my son.


Please also let me know what resources you can help me utilize so I can coordinate a living situation where I can accept employment, accept career-furthering educational opportunities, potentially conduct business, and safely care for my son.


Thank you.

​

Update:  My son’s father, Max, showed up at the abandoned building I’m staying at within 12 hours of my sending an email that described my location.
He's obviously been monitoring my emails for at least the 3 months since I was forced from the apartment we shared: after 2 months of no communication with me, he read the late-night email I sent.  That fact is clear because he used the information contained in that email to successfully locate me as soon as he could (about 12 hours after the email was sent).
Max & a companion spent a significant amount of time circling all levels of the 3-story building I was in.  They tried to enter at many points.  He didn’t call out to me or otherwise try to let me know he was there.   I heard hushed  footsteps for at least ½ hour on the wood decking outside.
I heard a female loudly whisper “Max” from directly outside the office I was in.  I found an empty box of the kind of vape cartridges he uses near the bottom of the stairs I have to use to get in & out of the building; it was a clean, white box (not weather-worn).  Max left his trash on purpose, like a calling card; it’s the kind of creepy thing he does.
I recognized the voice of the person who was with Max; it was his drug dealer: a person who is at least twice my size, has assaulted me before, has messed with my car, & who has sent Max text messages detailing violent attacks on me for as long as I’ve known Max; a person who is mentally ill, keeps a gun in their car, & has felony assault charges for assaulting her own children.  Max & his drug dealer came to physically harm me or kill me.  They weren’t sneaking around & trying to get in without me knowing so that they could help me.
I’ve been extremely afraid every night since he’s visited.  I find it disturbing and worrisome that he’s been monitoring my emails - so closely - for so long. 
I think Max’s parents would or al
ready have blessed any effort he makes to completely remove me from our son Haven’s life and that if Max were to get any heat for my disappearance, his parents would make sure he suffered no legal trouble, as they have every other time Max has faced criminal charges, which have all magically vanished.  However, I don’t think Max would experience any suspicion - I’m not in even semi-regular contact with a single person, and I don’t think at this point anyone will ever contact the police if they don’t hear from me again - that’s how long I’ve been out of contact.

Update #2:  Max came here & broke out the window I use to exit/enter.  I can’t keep anyone out anymore.  I noticed 2 or 3 days ago and have been absolutely  terrified every night since then.

April 18, 2023

All day today, after leaving the airbnb room I stayed in after fleeing an intense approximately 8-5 (I think) kind of a thing where my muscles all got stiff and rigid, which turned into me hiding in my bed with discomfort and anxiety, then experiencing a long period of dissatisfaction and want of something unnameable – a place and situation different than any I could think of as available: lay on the floor foam or crouch in the deck chair? Leaving seemed an even worse and less likely thing. I think I spent most of that time crouched in the chair, where I was least nauseated and felt more solid, though also felt more on display and vulnerable to whatever. It was nearly pitch black, but my eyes were dilating like they did when I tried Molly.

March 12, 2023

Late to feed birds this a.m., but it happened.  Heard leaf blower early.  

Police siren brief, close, loud, as I came into view on the office building deck.

Bagels, donuts, baked chicken from Fred M., raw unsalted peanuts w/shell, top ramen, sunflower seed.

*Undated* (not too long after the previous entry here)

Up at 1-ish, then 4:30 pm-ish. 

Forlorn, disturbed upon waking, these last few days.

Raining; changed into raincoat & boots

Cut cloth nursing face mask into regular size - it is my disguise today.

Men on bus treat me much different, their imaginations allowed to run rampant as to my appearance - if they only knew. 

March 20, 2023 Birds in a.m. 

 

A crow came and woke me from a violent nightmare. It actually worked with another to get rid of any negative energy – there was no residual ick hanging around after I was done using the bucket room.

 

 

Many visitors at the building today.

simone-hutsch-_wpce-AsLxk-unsplashcrop.j

March 21, 2023 Fed a lot of birds in a.m. and again in p.m. - everywhere birds.

*Chemtrails

*Room at library, pics of jacket, ties

*Scanned notarized Visa fraud form, emailed form to Visa: dispute.support@bhnetwork.com Fauver Dispute Form 3.21.23 “Thank you for contacting us!” CS9940944 – 3 business days iamtesssf@proton

*Labcorp, Corp. Property management office employment contacts

*Boxed North Face jacket for Mercari sale, finished for mailing

*Brown rice noodles & can chicken heat up at QFC uptown

*BECU form notarizedf

*Totem Lake QFC donuts – fed birds

*Email re sponsorship from iamtessf@proton to seattleaa.org/contact: “Thanks for contacting us. We’ll be in touch soon.:

*Message online form to Sea Mar Seamar.org/contactus.html

*Huge bag bird seed – 20 lbs.

*Baseball game

*Walk to post office

*Huge recycle rucksack bag perfect to carry big bird seed bag

Our darkness is never darkness in your sight, the deepest night is clear as the daylight

Revive me O Lord for your namesake

“There might be something for me”

Herschel backpack, leather backpack - awesome, Helly Hanson black fleece, Marmot jacket, Burberry perfume, black pants, gloves, Madewell striped long sleeve shirt, aluminum signs: Dangerous mine – Stay Out, Stay Alive, and King County Wildlife

 

Notes re city building planning commission meeting

 

Morning difficult – up – crane lights- small birds deeper in trees

visitors after I was back inside

Up at 230-4-ish

visitors around 5

Library walk for print for Kuhl jacket, right at 5pm closing

To transit center - #250 Avondale for bird food before too late – sketched out re 85th Safeway

Redmond Safeway – bird feeder, bagels, no donuts

Updated Indeed profile

Indeed interest confirmed 2 positions

Post to Mercari $107 for North Face sleeping bags – message to buyer

Very cold and windy, 39 degrees, raining and sunny outside

Dollar Tree candles, toys for Haven, transparent beach ball with glow stick in center, clear ziploc storage bag, moisture eater

Tried to feed crows blackberries, but they flew away to eat worms

Walk to City Hall – meeting re Park Lane closure

​

Farhad (206) 399-6378

Phone plan

Call Fedex

Print Mercari labels

Hannah A Vincent Indeed Paralegal @ Tmobile few minutes to chat 425-463-5530

Finish Mercari post

The Arc

Hair color purchase

Follow up emails to AA sponsor, Sea-Mar, Lani at Sophia Way

CC Employer contact

Get box/envelope for jacket and sleeping bags

Compass Careers Group – Dishwasher Everest Kirkland

Meritage Soups – production

Stafford Press – press support

MJH – my job helper

Worker with Ladder

4/15/2023 Saturday

Yesterday felt magical from morning on without my seeing anything similar until later afternoon

Last night stayed away – at townhouse offices by box trucks, at Everest Park by a tree, then deeper in park by wet wooden benches and other trees, then a garage with a loud fan, though wifi so I was busy

still. I got very cold and tired of the ordeal and returned very late, maybe around 4am. Heard male voices loudly as I reached ramp to stairs, something like “yep” or “there it is” or something.

April 17, 2023 Happened yesterday, 4/16, around 8am – 5pm

Carlos voice initially, not “in head,” sounded like on other side of office wall

“I like her” “We had to make sure you’re not crazy” “Max gave her too much” Lied about how much he gave her

Sherm, mushrooms, steroids (other?)

Onset felt like molly and throughout

Don’t know when could have done/drugged me – women at Starbucks with smaller golden colored dog with longer hair

​

Got Airbnb to try and hide at in Seattle – a man on Madison & Summit-ish with limp and accent, I took video of, he walked by me 3x’s, looked like he was taking pics/video of me

A new voice (male) occasionally

​

Panic below me a few days ago during leaf blowers (you’re going to be ok)

Leaf Pattern Design

4/27/23 White car parked in drive, high pitched ‘drone’ sound. Birds very chill about it. Finishing drink left open near there gave me a buzzed feeling. Felt hot for a few hours like my face was red.

 

I recently remembered I heard them talking about having the blackout party before it happened. They kept changing the date. I remember the day of that they made a lot of trips to and from the building. I just laid there listening, I was so tired. It was one of the first times they acted not so mean to me. I imagined the trips were made to pack equipment into the building, audio equipment, as I heard them making different sound effects that they could direct near or far to me, as in where the sound was coming from and where it was going. They made it sound like bugs were flying by my ears in a zig zag pattern. There were unfamiliar voices involved in communicating with me. A girl said she was embarrassed/mortified to hear what she sounded like in the recording.

​

Is there something that can be screwed into empty light bulb socket openings aside from light bulbs that are able to utilize that form of power source?

May 12, 2023     3 nervous & heavy female stalkers, at least 1 with a legit Russian-ish accent

https://photos.app.goo.gl/N4MQopdnb6aP9baz7

Link to June 18, 2023 video/audio of gang stalkers in Kirkland, WA

https://photos.app.goo.gl/YspGqZkJ6bhBV1hP8

July 2, 2023  Woke up about 5x that I can recall last night.  Once, I heard Mgt and Joseph Charley character guy laughing.  I'd woken up on that occasion flinching.  It was cold.  I'm glad I locked the door.  It was something I did the last (and first) time I heard the Joseph Charley voice while in the hobo hut.  I remember before I fell asleep, Fart Dog voice telling me to lay down and go to sleep like they tell me to do all the time but I never do.  Max and Joseph Charley voice had been around that night.  It's been difficult for me to focus to

July 5, 2023 *This text was originally made with a phone's voice to text application, so it's filled with confusing errors, which I'm attempting to fix at this time.*

Today I went and took a shower at Sophia way and did laundry and took a bunch of pictures for stuff to post on Mercari and I also posted stuff on Mercari. There were people who watched me while I was in the shower and I kept my underwear and bra on and it was really awkward to shower that way but I didn't want anyone to see me naked cuz they kept saying that I was on camera and I don't know what to think about that, but either way they're watching me and I don't really know who they are for sure and it freaks me out and I don't like to be naked in front of anyone and this is the third time I've showered with my underwear and bra on.  I stopped showering with any regularity because of this issue that I have every time I try to clean myself.  In fact, one recent time, I went to take a shower and I just couldn't and I laid down and took a nap instead because I was so upset remembering the time before that.  On that occasion that I remembered that upset me, I took a shower at Sophia and "they" were watching me and talking about what I was doing and talking about my body and stuff, and even when I stopped washing myself or doing anything at all, and just sat down in the shower, frozen and traumatized by wtf was happening, they kept talking and taunting me and talking about my body.  That shower lasted hours with staff somehow not noticing I was the only one in the day center bathroom, and that someone had actually closed the door to that bathroom.  I didn't open the shower door and begin to try and get dressed until after 6:15pm.  I had begun around 1pm -2pm, the day center closes at 3pm, so it had to have been prior to that when I started.

Anyways what else... the one I all "my mom" was there for that shower time, even though she says she doesn't participate in that activity, and the taxi driver guy "Fart Dog" aka "Farquadt" aka "Farhad" or something, the Iranian who gave me the cab ride at the end of March, 2023, and ended up bringing me to this weird hooker rape apartment in Redmond instead of letting me go on my way after I'd reached my destination at the Dollar Tree in Rose Hill, Kirkland, showed up at some point during the showering show spectacle thing they for some reason verbally/mentally create, I guess.  The Marshall Silent Bob character kind of guy was there this morning but then he disappeared.  They're all being really grotesquely nice to me; I figured that it was so that they could be mean to me later.  It was really annoying how they were acting and I just wanted to freaking like smash my head in with a hammer because of how over-done they acted toward everything, honestly laughing after everything I said, after how they've been so terribly awful toward me lately. So the fart dog and my mom and Max Wagner were at the office building house and I was trying to get out of there. 

 

I made a sale and so I came to library to print the label to mail my box and came to the bathroom at Kirkland Urban to use the mirror and light and toilet and sink and my mom and fart dog showed up and I've been hearing them at store and they told me I'm on my own for this game.  I wasn't talking to them and I don't know what they meant at all whatsoever. 

 

About half an hour later, I heard someone on the stairs, it sounded like a staircase, a staff only staircase maybe like employees only maybe I'm not sure, but there was someone on stairs coming up here and Fart Dog greeted  what sounded like a little boy.  They exchanged a few words and he was calling a little boy by my son's name: Haven.  After a few minutes, like 1 or 2 minutes, Fart Dog said that the little boy was gone and that Max took him away and that they left without giving a chance to say goodbye or whatever I'm not sure.

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Max Wagner has done this many times before; where he brings a kid around to where I am and it either is Haven, or he pretends obviously, with people helping him pretend, because there's people around calling a child Haven, and there's a child around talking and making child sounds, footsteps, what have you, and I can hear Max's voice calling a child Haven. 

 

Sometimes there is no child, and I hear Max talking and saying our son Haven's name like Haven is present but there is no response from anyone a child or otherwise (sometimes a person who is obviously an adult uses an obviously overdone and fake child's voice - it's sickening - instead of Max using a child to play Haven's part - also unbelievably sickening) It seems rather obvious that Max is doing this with the sole intent of attempting to hurt me because I miss Haven and he knows that and he's trying to rub it in my face that he can have access to our son while he he's keeping access to our son from me, and is able to treat him and do whatever he wants to him without consequence and me helpless to do anything to protect or help our son.

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7/5/23 Munt or someone like him was near me all night in downtown Kirkland around 9am, at office building at 6:15am. It sounded like his truck beeping backing up and I heard him talking: holy shit she’s here (which he always says). It’s very odd to me how much they pretend to sneak around even though they know that they’re nearby, especially with the crows loudly announcing their arrival, pretty much without fail. There were 2-3 different females and 1 guy I think.

 

On same page is number for man who found me in warm parking garage downtown and wouldn’t stop talking to me: “Ricky” 214-254-9714

 

I’ve been asking repeatedly where Haven is. This morning, Max said Haven is with “lesbian hookers.” Yesterday, he and a female told me repeatedly that Haven is dead. He’s also recently told me that he left Haven with his uncle, that Haven was given up for adoption, that he doesn’t know where Haven is, that Haven is at a hospital as an inpatient, and that Haven is on the corner of E Anaheim & California Ave SW.

7/12/23 I’ve still been pressing for information about Haven, despite how stressful it is for me. No one will tell me. As far as I can tell, Munt spends most of his time here and near my location. I’ve been told that Munt leaves Haven in the vehicle, and that Farhad and Brandy ysit him regularly, that he’s at Max’s apartment with Max’s girlfriend who is always asleep. Today, Munt is playing another love-drama fantasy game; he asked “jessica” to marry him and made sure my ear ringing was loud enough for me to hear him. He’s kept a pointless rambling dialogue since, with short breaks used to tell me how ugly I am and how much better his new women companions are than me.

 

They’ve identified themselves as Karen Cole, Jessica Abby Farjad Casey Gretchen Brandy Carrie Joseph Uriah Rob Eric Tim.

 

TJ & Kelsey have been involved in some way, I think. Who knows anything, though. I think I see all these behaviors that equate to for sure certain they are paid minions for Munt in some way, but all that crap could be coincidence and mean nothing, or mean something else, etc.

 

Munt finally admitted to stealing my bags the day I picked them up from Seattle Salvation Army and left some of them in the back of the Accenture parking lot when I was in a hurry to do some thing.

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7/13/23 He was here until around at least 9am when I left – talking to female about sex. She told me there’s a police report of him going off the deep end while talking to police and that I should create the “Hangontoyourbutts” email address I was thinking about creating and that she would email the report to me there.

 

Relieved to have EBT $. I ran away from them today because I was sitting at Everest Park in a dugout in the shade from the morning sun, feeling like I could relax there a little and enjoy the peaceful beautiful sunny morning. I felt the pressure and ringing sound in my ears with a beep and heat a line of heat it seemed like but it didn’t connect somehow as far as I could tell, though I am near clueless as to what they are doing to me and what is actually supposed to happen when they’re doing it. I left the dugout and ran down the trail to 6th Ave, across the street. Then I ducked down the side of an office eye doctor building for 7-12 minutes. A crow flew to me and cawed, perched near me and almost directly overhead.

 

*What is a crow’s favorite style of martial arts? CAW-rate! (instead of karate, that is the part that is the joke of the question/answer I just posed)

I put some of the AMAZING Grand Central Bakery bread I’d just purchased at Metropolitan Market (it was still early a.m. and fresh baked and a little warm when I bought it!) and a muenster cheese chunk out for the bird as a treat, which the bird ignored. The crow looked diligently around for any potential visitors before beginning to preen its glossy, black feathers.

 

I left somewhat reluctantly, as I was being chased. I began quickly passing through the business-zoned parcels and parallel to the road, hopping through tall, cobwebbed shrubs and small trees planted as separator fencing between the businesses. I’m falling asleep and have to stop writing now.

7/14/23 Woke up after accidentally falling asleep around 12am & 2am. Joseph character Charley guy exclaiming to Mgt: you did so good! He talked about how responsive I was to hin *Mgt. And girl voice I don’t like talking excitedly. I had drool on my mouth and my underwear were messed up. My mouth is hurting badly. They have ear thing connected I noticed the times I woke up, but was too tired to say anything. I keep politely asking them to turn it down and stop hurting my ears but they are not. I heard Max nearby but I don't know where Haven is. No one will tell me. Last night, someone said he was taken to his aunt Shannon’s house in Ireland. Said they’re going to try to erase my memory tonight. Said they’ve been putting kerosene on my clear. Calling me a mangy animal. Telling me and Mgt my teeth are disintegrating right now because of what he’s been doing to me. Mgt insists I’m doing everything to myself. Clear is making me not move and very tired. I just had a large amount (for me) and feel like I’m going to pass out and sleep.

3:20 a.m.: Still hear Max & Joseph Charley character here. Even though it’s 3:20 a.m. I heard vacuum noise coming from outside, and bass noise before this.

Mgt said he is training me while I sleep to get off to our son, Haven’s, name: Mgt says he repeats his own name, then tells me to cum when he finally says Haven’s name.

Yesterday, Mgt told me that he’s done countless unbelievably horrible things to Haven that would devastate me and cause me an unbearable amount of pain if he told me what he’d done.

​

*A female told me my hands fell off - she took/cut off my hands

*They say Mgt sells drugs

* “Silence” past 4-ish days

*Helping me with writing re Haven

*I heard on the bus that they’re sending replacements/reinforcements

*There’s a schizo multi personality-feeling switchout of voices/personalities. I can tell by the verbal ‘behavior’ of the characters that they’re not the same people, even though they sound very similar to the previous characters that I’d established a relationship with and ‘know.’ It’s very empty feeling, confusing, anxiety-inducing. Who were those voices/personalities and where did they go?

*They say Mgt still in trouble with CPS

*-Someone- <has/uses> something re totem pole

*Was that really Mgt in extra cab brownish truck?

Sunday July 16, 2023    It's 1:38am and Max is outside my hobo hut calling Haven's name

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I made bacon for birds last night on mini waffle maker.  They defended our territory with extra gusto when Max & co. arrived back around 7:15pm (they usually return between 7-7:30pm-ish).  

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11:00pm at office building: people talking re hobo hut wired like a microwave and I was entering a microwave when I walked in.  I can hear Max calling Haven's name after saying he can't find him.  He and female are telling me they're doing all this to me because Max hates me and wants me dead.  She (Parma/Karen??) asked Max if she could be the one to kill me.  

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Now I hear Max yelling at me and calling me fat.  Now he's calling me ugly. 

 

Today, I came up with a great idea re live action choose your own adventure: A Slut's Story.

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Fluffy made my day today.  I was taking trips to get from Uptown to Accenture and ended up at porta potty garage.  Fluffy and family appeared dramatically: Fluffy and another landing on the open-air concrete ledge near where I sat, with wings spread.  They announced their arrival with loud caws that echoed through the empty space loudly, their deep black color gorgeous against the monotone light color of concrete and the blue sky.

July 17, 2023   Max, Farhad & another male followed me into bathroom mezzanine level building at Kirkland Urban after I went to QFC.  They arrived 15 - 20 minutes after me.  Farhad voice was singing: I've got your covered, I've got you covered.  They walked up to bathroom doors and saw none were in use & expressed confusion.  They were there to watch me in the bathroom, apparently.  I don't know why and can't figure out a motivation to do so.  Why do they regularly - daily - want to see me in the bathroom?  I really have no idea and am distressed about the bizarreness of the unwavering regularity that's been allowed this team-effort stalking activity.  After figuring I was on the stairs - which I was - they took 5 - 10 minutes to pretend to make videos to publiush/broadcast.  

​

Last night, a Farhad was present for my anticipated hypnosis session.  Said this is the beginning of a world of pain for me; that he and Max are going to kill me over the next 2 weeks and don't want any interference.

​

Earlier that night, they paraded 6th Ave in Kirkland, where Google is, and where I was hiding from them.

July 19, 2023   I can't use my phone because I have to take my battery & SIM card out all the time with the hope that I won't be able to be tracked that way.  They're following me tonight in order to hurt me.  Max keeps saying he wants me to die and he hates me.  He says he wants me to slowly die and he wants to watch me slowly die instead of having me killed right away.

I still don't know where Haven is or if he's alive.  I still don't know what Max and Carlos/Farhad are doing to hurt my ears/head.  They say they're trying/going to fry my brain with whatever it is.

"Apron"

Was in pain all day yesterday.  Unable to do anything.  I did make it to a shower.  Hysterical man was a f*ing dick about me not doing the shower naked and because I only washed my hair. 

I had a bad anxiety attack when I got to the bathroom to shower.  I was curled up in a ball on the balls of my feet crouched down groaning for a while.  No one asked why or talked to me at all during that time.  I was in the bathroom near the shower entrance.  A heavy black woman and a thin tall healthy pale lady discussed the "showers" there, the very pale woman asked the heavy black lady if she'd heard about the showers there at Sophia Way and if she'd ever taken one, then she said something like I understand it's supposed to be kind of a sexy thing.  She watched me the entire time we were in the same room, it seemed like.

They followed me to Totem Lake tonight and were sounded to be waiting at the Chevron gas station when I got off the bus there.

7/21/23

So weird hectic sometimes terrifying since Max & his dad Carlos/voice of Farhad is acid rampaging & his dad’s session with me and the mom that night, which I recorded and defiantly but dumbly announced the next morning upon waking & having 300+ minutes of their interactions with ne recorded, which they had to do through a wall(d) barricaded with a layer of boxes, plus curtains, and through my music headphones and earplugs. Pretty sure I was going to be killed again. Weird jack off thing happened. Carlos said he was washing his hands of this. Found out today that Max had written me back re Haven on July 18 & 16(?), the 1st message said why don't you suck my dick the 2nd message asked when I wanted to see Haven, That may have been sent the same night of he and his dads rampage. I wrote him back this morning and asked to see Haven tomorrow at Seattle Children’s Playgarden or Choo Choo Train Trail at 10:30am or 4pm. At Udist lightrail after #255 reroute.

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Man wearing flip flops with Russian-ish accent, dark graying hair, goatee, approached me (from afar) when I went to office building and said

 

I dont think Carlos has friends he has a group of others that all do murderous criminal tasks for each other shared like a time share in hopes of making serious criminal actions more affordable for the common man and blue collar worker, and in hopes of expanding the criminal actor’s network of like-minded for personal use as well as client referrals, which also come at a price.

 

Happy mother’s day

did you get sexually

excited by us saying that

Haven rejected you? ____ said

you would get sexually

aroused by her & Max denying

Haven to you. They repeated

“Haven rejected you”

5-6 times female said

Farhad! Yuou know it seems

like Max is training Haven to

reject his mother.

I saw Haven walk by and

knew it was him. Thought 2

men with 3 children. Haven

the tallest. In long sleeves &

board shorts. One man with two boys. Then a hunched over man walking behind them with a black stroller with bonnet pulled up. I said something like is that Haven and I stood up. I might have called out his name.

 

I'd just gotten done making bacon bird food dinner.

The adults walked faster and seemed unsure, hesitant, then turned quickly at the next road.

I ran after, called out Haven’s name.

They completely ignored me.

It was completely bizarre how they ignored me while I yelled excuse me loudly, the man told Haven something after I was close to them and called out his name.

And Haven acted mopey pulling away and wouldn’t let man touch him.

Sunglasses on head, 0 face hair, short hair red face pointy nose thinner build.

White short sleeve button front.

I saw child’s face briefly and it looked like Haven.

It was around 7pm.

Around 8:30pm said I’m about to lose Haven and never find him again. Have a good night.

7/22/23

Pl Blue near elevators Max in dark blue older model mini van with driver window down buckling up as he passed me dark jacket or long sleeve shirt. Her in dark black vehicle that started and drove away much more slowly. I took pics around 7:35-7:45am in Kirkland Uptown parking garage under QFC.

9/11/23 Monday

Pac Iron to sell copper – struggle to get there – tried all morning – lots of attention on me, distraction, exhaustion, pain

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Got there around 2pm on Friday 9/8 to learn Pac Iron only accepts sales that are delivered in a vehicle. I confirmed multiple times that I could call an Uber, have Uber drop me off with items at receiving bay, and that would be no problem to commence and finalize the transaction

However, there were issues

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I out of desperation asked Hollow and lady for help – they seemed they had been the customers just prior to my attempted patronage. Hollow brought me around then dropped me off at the Udistrict transit station. Max and his girlfriend must have been waiting for some reason very nearby – had someone already contacted Hollow about me? Wtf? They shocked my brain hard as soon as we pulled into the parking lot, it was extremely painful. I don’t know how they have time to spend waiting around for me just to hurt me this way. She chased me around the light rail station – I accidentally ditched the Milwaukee hand cart. I decided to try to find #255 instead of wait for light rail.

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At Juanita Safeway within the last week, I was getting donuts for bird food (and for me I guess) and was in the bathroom experiencing hobo clothing crisis. I was graced with a recording of an interview/dialogue that sounded like it was with my child Frankie, as the interviewee’s voice sounded just like Frankie’s – just about, except for subtle tiny little things every once in a while. I heard a long interview with the Frankie character where I was a hot topic, especially discussion of what a f**k up I am. They’ve done this to me before, with Frankie’s voice. With Haven’s, too. As well as my dad’s.

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I walked rom there past Goodwill – a crackhead for real black lady talking to an old man in a mini van called me over

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I went to the garbage room for stuff I stashed from the previous night’s work, everything I had there was gone except the drills gift set, which I had boxed in another unlabeled box for mailing to the purchaser.

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9.11.23 Today they started doing something new with the brain-killing device where they stimulate my throat with it, which makes mucus run down from my nose

 

Tonight, coyotes joined my exclaiming in happiness as I mused what the police officer having bodycam footage of the night I was set up at the office building by Max and the boys could mean, despite the fight I will definitely have to raise in order to get footage unredacted. I cried out in joy, and out of nowhere an entire pack of coyotes began yipping with me – it was absolutely unexpected and incredible and they sounded rather near to my location. I’ve never even heard of such a thing happening – and I wasn’t even being loud with my voice! I dont’ know how they heard me or cared to hear me or cared to join in – I’m not even lying the smallest bit, I can’t believe it happened, and I forgot about it until just now as I’m typing up this note.

A small hawk has been visiting me – today and yesterday, it perched near me in the trees, chirping away

 

I began making a new fort behind the park

 

My head has been nearly constantly pained, I’m constantly stalked, it’s made me very tired, stupid, “worthless”

 

I slept out on scaffolding last night/this early a.m.

 

On my last visit to Totem Lake, I found “Violet” hiding on the other side of the office building from me

 

I’ve had two days of a rock obsession – I found a huge green rock alongside of the Kirkland Cross Corridor near Accenture.

 

Currently experiencing a strong red leaf obsession, of which the effect is currently in effect

 

This morning tried to have breakfast with birds. Exhausted walking to office area. Couldn’t focus, decide what I was doing. Saw James while I was waiting for bathroom at mezzanine.

 

Saw TJ on bus last night omw from Bellevue tried to transcribe 8/27/23 recording to get to DV advocate.

Sunday 9/24/23

Today has been okay, pretty good for me, considering everything. I didn’t feel any pain that may have been attempted to have been placed on my brain.

 

I made some amazing early-morning finds. I found a new hiding spot, kind of-ish. I spent a lot of time with my birds and feel bonded a little closer to them. I wrote down my 911 story for when I have a phone again and am able to call on these psychopathic sociopathic demented .defective baboon-butt-faced bagpipe-playing bungholes. Yes: their bungholes play the bagpipes. And not too shabbily, at that. I would have should have known. I had decent clothes, decent food, felt I had a decent emotional grasp on my mind f**k of a life that’s being perpetrated on me.

 

I was stalked regularly almost constantly throughout the day, but again, was able to avoid pain, which has been incredibly debilitating to my life and my ability to abilit, as well as has been awfully painful with not much if anything I’m able to do to get it to stop. By the time it’s reached that point, I’m basically mentally handicapped. Anyways, that didn’t happen today, so I feel good about that.

 

I yelled at the bad guys with 3B and the birds and they seemed surprised but pleased at my doing so. I also put in an effort at least twice to respond to the bird’s body language when they were attempting to explain to me what was happening and what they were doing and obviously calling me out to join them in their effort in defending their – our – territory. I fed them a lot today, but I was able to, so it was nice. A new baby is around, and I feel like it’s Fluffys. I may think every new baby is Fluffy’s baby, because I can’t think of any other new babies that have joined the flock in a noticeable way this summer, but I swear, this baby has a cawing thing with her voice like 3B does, and though she’s just made an appearance in the last few days – 1 week, I already hear her at the front lines, seemingly shadowing 3B’s position. *3B is full grown now! And I absolutely cherish the relationship I have with her and Fluffy.

 

Continuing about my good day: I was able to make it out of the woods-hole! I planned to come to downtown Seattle to do the electric slide hustle dance and I actually did! Kind of in a haze, without a real plan, I just went for it I sold something! Which is kind of amazing to me, so I’m returning to Kirkland without any regret or feelings of worthlessness. I did amazing meatball mario!

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