Texts About Haven: Max & I Nov. 26, 2019

Haven was born May 16, 2019. I was made to stop living with him and caring for him night and day at the end of July, 2019, just before my birthday.

Max would randomly text me and ask about my old friend Cole, who Max for some reason is insanely jealous of. He wouldn’t answer my questions about Haven.

In a message exchange 2 days before this one, Max asked me if I had a place to stay and then invited me to stay with him. Then told me that haven wasn‘t there. After I was told that Haven wasn’t there, I asked Max why and why he couldn’t take care of his own son, And received no response. I didn’t say anything after that either, even though I didn’t have a place to stay. Even on the street, I would rather freeze then subject myself to that kind of time with Max voluntarily and without even being able to see my infant son.

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November 26, 2019

8:20 AM

[Tess to Max:]

You're a shameless leech, unapologetic helpless hanger-on. Thieving my son just for the hell of it. Just to see how much more of an inheritance it will get you than your brother.

I love Haven and he loves me. He did. When he was allowed to have his mother.

There is no reason for me to not be raising my son. Aside from your family and whatever game this is. I'm an amazing mother.

You've fucked Haven and I both up so much and every day

you let this farce continue we

both become less functional and more difficult to repair in ways that aren't immediately obvious, and likely

will never be understood

by people with such a surplus of emotional depth and intelligence,

folks like you and your

jolly, genuine family.

Remember you all bailing on helping me with the apartment I was approved for then kicking me to the street only days later?

Every day my objective is to continue working and pushing forward until I am able to parent [Haven] in my own home. Every morning and night it is my focus and all I see. There is nothing else.

I know Haven is not ok in this current situation. Who do you all think you're kidding? Fucking stop it. Why doesn't anyone selflessly care for him but me?

I didn't/don't want a baby or another kid.

I am barely surviving with just me.

If I was selfishly motivated, I would just disappear like you guys want.

But my heart hurts and my stomach is sick and my head feels like it will explode every day for the tiny baby boy that I'm not allowed to care for with everything good, gentle, patient, joy-giving, healing, comforting and affectionate that I have, and with every mistake I ever made with my daughter in mind.

I want to take such good care of our baby.

Please hear me and understand my voice is for our son. It is not for me.

This time is so inexpressibly important for him mentally and emotionally and it's getting so fucked up.

Please don't let him get fucked up anymore. He has to be alive until he dies. He is a human like you and

every second he is alive

he is breathing and thinking and feeling.

8:46 AM

{I didn’t receive a response until a few days later, when I got the following words texted to me.]

Nov. 28, 2019

[Max to Tess:] Is troll making Turkey? Gobble, gobble.

***Troll is a name that Max made up to reference that dude he was jealous of, Cole

2:10 PM

[Tess to Max:]

Why are you so obsessed with him?

I'm not with him. I'm not with anyone.

Why contact me if you don't want to better Haven's life?

2:11 PM

[M to T:]

I don't believe you or give a fuck.

Did you really just say to me why contact me if you dont want to better Haven's life? Are you fucking serious? What have you done for him? Nothing. You haven't even tried.

New baby Haven & I.