Private-Discreet Birthday Party for my Son

Haven’s Third Birthday The day before my son Haven’s 3rd birthday (on May 15, he was born the 16th), his dad Max and Max’s family held a birthday party for Heven without telling me.

I found out about the party when I came across pictures from the occasion. The pictures were very recent and of Max and Haven, and Haven was getting presents. A house full of people was sitting in a wide-spaced circle watching Haven. I remembered how on that afternoon, Max had oddly been gone with Haven for nearly 5 hours and I’d been worried, but talked myself down in case my feelings were out of line.

I don’t know why the family would secretly have a birthday party for Haven. Since he was born, they’ve been trying with notable effort to keep my son and I completely apart and without a relationship.

The actual day of Haven’s birthday, happy plans were once again decimated by a jealous Max.

Haven’s Second Birthday

As with this year, Max intentionally ruined Haven’s birthday. He was screaming at me extensively in front of Haven and may have even violently grabbed me by my hair and sharply jerked me around by my head, and I think he may have thrown a bunch of papers or something at me in front of Haven, too. This violent and disturbing interaction occurred in a very intimate space, with Max and I in the cramped front of his “Prius” truck, and Haven directly behind me, stuffed uncomfortably in the 1/5 cab or whatever that dipshit former is called, him rigid sitting nearly straight up instead of having any recline in his seat positioning. Haven cried.

We were in the Prius truck because I wanted to take Haven to the Madrona duck pond and Madrona Park with all the truck toys available for kids to play with.

I’d been excited to be with Haven for the first time on his birthday, even though it was his 2nd celebration. I talked to Max about decorating, presents, and fun outings we could do away from the Leschi Park area, a territory Haven rarely gets to leave unless he’s going with Max to meet his drug dealer wife somewhere. I wanted to have decorations to help Haven feel celebratory on his birthday, but Max didn’t have a similar mindset. He ignored the subject matter when I spoke on it and didnt take individual initiative to have decorations for Haven. I could afford next to nothing on my own, and Haven’s birthday decorations were shameful for me.

Last year, there was a smaller gathering at Max’s parent’s house, which I learned about only just Beforehand and wasn’t invited to. I remember being disturbed by the fact that a cake had been made for Haven and Max hadn’t brought me back a piece or even the candles that Haven blew out. Those things were disturbing to me because the year before:

Haven’s First Birthday

On Haven’s 1st birthday, I hadn’t been allowed to see my son at all, despite weeks of discussion, detailed texts leading up to the date, and messages sent on Haven’s actual birthday beginning at 730am and on through the day every 2.5 hours. Around 2pm, after not hearing back a peep from Max, I actually even messaged his parents and asked how I could arrange to be there for my son on his 1st birthday.

Max finally messaged me back around 6pm, which I saw around 630 or 7pm (I am wifi only phone). When I messaged right back, Max told me Haven’s bedtime is at 8 and it was too late for me to see him. On his first birthday. Even though I’d been asking about it since 730am that day and had sent messages almost every day that month about it.