January 20 2020 Journulle, Le Piquet Baguette a le Crustacean et La Barbequelle

The day before yesterday. Max tried to make me leave and was cursing me out in middle of night like 345am while haven was crying between us

I got out of bed around 330am to get haven bottle max awake living room bright light he was shoulder hunched over head unmoving staring fixated at black phone in hand

As soon as I turned into kitchen quickly stood from couch guiltily slinked past his head pointed in my direction as he walked past

Back with bottle haven waking extremely upset after last 2-3 times that max left haven "at [his] mom's " haven irrationally crying refusing all comforts extremely out of ordinary behavior refused my offers of bottle

I asked max if he could try to give haven bottle since haven has a dad crush on max haven refused max showed intoxicated behavior as haven quieted and quickly stopped crying, was passing out, max holding bottle half tipped at angle pointed at eyes closed haven slurring speech is there something wrong with it? No there's nothing wrong with it so just drink it there's nothing wrong

I became upset at max for going on belligerently when haven wAs silent bc it roused Haven again he was awake and inconsolable once more i called max a retard and asked what was wrong with him and why was he rambling like a moron when haven was obviously passing out

Max became irrationally and inconsolably angry saying harsh things to me in cruel aggressive hostile voice lunging at me with his face over haven scared haven out of crying haven took bottle stopped crying and rolled away from max, turning his back to him, drinking bottle and nestling as near to me as he could i put arm protective around his body

Glad i could buy you that charger

Get the fuck out of my bed

Get the fuck out of my house

You dont do shit

How dare you talk shit to me in MY house

You dont live here

I told him to stop cursing at me in front of haven, but then he went on deliberately, not hot headed, like he was venting a need to be cruel to someone and he didnt give a fuck if some little boy overheard bc max needed to get his rocks off and if i wasnt going to suck his dick he was going to give it to me that way and he deserved it he deserved to act that way because his house because he does everything and is #1 deserving of mommy clean house suck dick and if he doesnt get it he will let the world know in the form of an inexplicably hateful monologue directed toward me, the source of the injustices being caused unto pitiful him

Max would tAke a break from cursing at me then start up again when he would restart, Haven firmly cAlmly said "momma" trying to get closer like a reminder to stay calm and focus on haven, not get lost in emotion and lose control like max, which would disturb haven immeasurably more than maxs behavior alone was

I considered leaving the bedroom for Haven's sake so hopefully it would be a better environment for him, but felt like he would feel abandoned, ditched, if i left him alone in bed with max. At least on that night.

Day before about to go to my house started going off on me about cleaning until I froze up and was too exhausted to go anywhere passing out in hallway where i sat passed out in bedroom unable to do anything the rest of the day drained from his negative and tireless aggression and hostility and lies to me any time i began to feel like maybe i could start moving around again and getting anything done interacting positively and easily with haven again he would come throw a negative net over me just going on and on