Haven’s Nap

Haven woke up from his nap screaming: no daddy! Then crying and crying out: no no nono no, until I held him and spoke gently to him.

The pitch of his words made him sound desperate, and his body language seemed panicked; he was scrambling and thrashing about, eyes barely opened, he was still half-asleep.

This is far from the first time this has happened, but it’s been a while since it has happened where he specifically cried out to his dad. The timing is notable; after an extended period alone at his dad’s mercy - for as much time as his dad was actually “with” him.

It’s a really hard decision for me to make - force myself on Max and his plans-With 100% chance of subjecting Haven to some awful behavior from his father and loud objections and defenses made by myself, that Haven can’t escape from, and is right up in his face? But also be able to “protect” him from whatever Max is or is not - how is making him endure the violent, hateful energy from his dad toward me, then watching me eventually shut down with no other recourse, how is that protecting him? How is it better though to stay home, knowing- but wishing and secretly hoping it’s not so, that I’m wrong - that Haven will be left Alone, his actual comfort and enjoyment of little meaning if any is given to it at all, his needs will be neglected and hurtful things via his fathers treatment/ignorance of him will happen and I won’t be able to defend him in any way. Max changes when no one is around, as most of us do, whether subconsciously or consciously.