Drugg Dolla$ Dec 19, 2021 - January 19, 2022

Mx sent over $1,300 via 12 Venmo transactions to his drug dealer Gretchen Green between the dates December 19, 2021 and January 19, 2021. We can all safely assume that he additionally paid her in cash when he saw her, and that there had to be some kind of matching of locations between the two in order for him to get what he paid for (whatever that is).

He very suspiciously came home around 2:30-40-ish yesterday. Not suspicious that he was there, but the way he quickly blurted his excuse for coming to the apartment and changing his clothes (or whatever he did - I didn't pay attention): Ihaveadentistappointment, then in a kind of overwhelmed clumsy-ish panic, he rush-shuffled in and out of the bedroom and bathroom...it seemed a little overdone, not that I gave it much concern. Then, though, when Haven was putting himself out there as an interested competitor for Max's time and attention, Max told him that: after (brief pause) my dentist appointment (his body language immediately after was as though trying to pick up my thought energy output on his thoroughly thought-out sneaky strategy story plan) they could do whatever it was that Haven was trying to get him to join in enjoying with him. The last time Max went to the dentist on a Friday, he returned within 2.5 hours or less after leaving for the appointment, and then was in bed all weekend afterward. Yesterday Friday, he didn't come home until around 730 or 8pm. Haven was asleep. Max was in the bathroom for a very long time and until Haven woke up and insisted on seeing Max. When Max wasn't in the bathroom, he was falling asleep. He looked haggard - like someone who is wasted drunk looks - like big, chunky chunks rolled up on his face and trying to hang down. His face normally doesnt look like that. He told me he couldnt stay awake because he was so tired from "working so much."

Poor Haven was so excited to see him and finally have his daddy home. Daddy! He kept exclaiming. Everything daddy this, daddy that. But his dad wasn't paying attention. His dad was asleep or falling asleep. Haven kept trying to yell his name loud enough to shock him into waking - "Daddy?! Daddy?!!" Haven's voice was filled with anxiety, disbelief, frustration, need, disappointment. Daddy what doing? I had to listen to my poor son's crying out for the lost consciousness of his never-present father over and over and over - 8 times? 15? 20? Stabbing me in the heart, then making me near-blind with rage at Max and his continued devaluation of and indifference towards his son's heart-on-sleeve adoration of him and enthusiasm at any amount of actual eye-contact attention where Max isn't telling him no or