Crachead knock journal

Max has been re-manufacturing speed of some kind in apartment and selling it to neighbor. Neighbor knocks insistently, loudly, all hours of morning afternoon evening whenever- 3pm, 3am, 12pm and am, etc. sometimes knocks every day. Haven does NOT like neighbor- is afraid of him-avoids him. Gets scared when neighbor knocks. Neighbor is belligerent, loud, I can't hardly understand a word of what comes out of mouth. In 60s.

Leaves random stolen things here outside of apartment in middle Of night usually - woken up to suitcases, portable party speakers, dirty used toys with Value Village Lake City stickers on them, clothing with department store anti/theft tags still attached sitting in front of entry door. Max loves that kind of shit. He certainly loves rifling through my belongings for some unspecified thing or things and leaving them strewn about his filthy apartment.

1231 am 2/14/22 crakHead loudly knock 3x

2/13/22 unsure what time but when asked after shower max said 130am

Reminded him every 3 minutes or so that baby sleeping so crackhead had to be quiet, for at least 15 minutes, crackhead would lower volume slightly sometimes for brief seconds then get belligerently loud again just to say absolute nothing and or nonsense i.e. hey guess what guess what *pause* that chicken at Safeway though you sure you don't want any of that chicken? 2 for $10 that Aint bad right? I already had 7 pieces..:

Volume increasing in his incredibly slurred speech shuffle footing getting closer and closer to inside of room kept telling max to turn on the light and let him come in the room kept asking him what he's got goin on tonight, tomorrow max told him he had to work and to be quiet bc baby woke up and trying to get back asleep told max he wouldnt tell anyone what he'd seen max doing that night when max stole the rest of my belongings i didnt even have a jacket left he took everything i didnt have immediately with me and destroyed it. My car was just robbed less than a week ago the day after my car window was broken out and the rest of things were indiscriminately removed from the interior including a big fuzzy fluffy pink pillow and a Hot Wheels suitcase I'd bought for Haven and some large glass art things some nice clothing items most everything i had sold i had to cancel because stolen and now have to cancel everything I have listed because everything i own has been stolen and I have nothing left

Literally the same second that the front door was shut after his exit, crackhead was already knocking on it again

Haven uncomfortable, nervous, disturbed by him very upset whenever max lets him come into house always wants to hide and go in the farthest room away and not come out

2/14 549am crackhead knocking yelling open up! ...alright man ...

Can hear him thru closed front door loud air conditioner fan on in room down hall thru closed bathroom door

2/14 930am crackhead knocking

Max disappears for a while often comes back with laundry from laundry room

2/15 1230am

2/15 732am crackhead knock like 5-6 loud firm kinda fast but not urgent fast more like brisk

2/15 620pm crackhead knock loud fast rapping max home for about only 20 minutes or so

I can hear him yelling outside again have no idea what he's saying just hear long drawn out loud voice sound

2/15 652pm crackhead knocking max went outside closed door could still hear crackhead loudly talking outside

• 2/15 657pm crackhead knocking max stood in doorway with door open chatting about the food bank or something

• 2/15 10pm heard max in basement talking to crackhead after said he was leaving to go to store.

• He'd already been to store earlier that night while at apartment, but he only bought beer.

• He'd been out to buy himself a multi-course meal of Thai food take out, too, because he went outside then was gone a while then came in here with it and was eating it in front of haven and I and there were at least 4 different containers plus an orange colored iced drink in a clear takeout cup

• Max didnt get milk for haven on 2/14 evening when he was gone to get haven milk and "get some food anyways" at 9pm. Max didnt get back until closer to 1am.

• Max didnt get haven milk next morning 2/15. That morning, max was in bed until 1030am then - "I'm already late" -to Haven when Haven tried to get Max to interact - Max was in such a hurry he was so late for something that before he left, he didnt have time to eat, or brush his teeth, and he didnt change his clothes either

• 1015pm Crackhead went to store with max heard them return around 1140pm

Me: up a little after 5am max was sleeping in chair until i got up then he went in room

I started working after having some grapes

737am crackhead knocking regular knock

745am Haven up shortly after knocking

811am crackhead knocking again

930am Max up around

1005am Max left around

1030am crackhead knocking again-haven sitting in my lap were sitting on floor singing wheels on the bus with blippy im holding him like a baby he leans back head on my knee and im just holding his legs hes naked and singing

1032am crackhead knocking again

Haven poop and pee all day spent all day cleaning it up

Haven fell asleep nap i got sick - gum exploded- cleaning mouth and worrying bad headache felt something coming on last few days

Felt blood was in back of throat more tho thick and clogged up like from my nose

7pm In bed soon after max home exhausted

Max making disparaging comments about my laziness

Ive been getting irresistibly tired right when max walks in the door anymore just wasted tired

2/17 130am woke up not feeling well

Remembering scary stuff from yesterday afternoon

Yelled at max when he was finally out of bathroom for raping me and stealing my belongings again and making me sick

Max said the thought of ever touching me again grosses him out. I told him to stop raping me then.

Seriously remembering him doing that stuff to me makes me feel so nauseated like so fucking grossed out i cant describe how much it literally physically sickens me. I hope that he stays grossed out by me so he never touches me again: that's kind of what I've been trying to do ever since ive been coming here- make myself remain unattractive, not interact so as to not make him think i could be flirting by saying hello or some shit

• Like k said - I've always been ugly, i just change my appearance to something they seem to like so people are nice to me. For some reason people never just treat me normal, they're either nice to me or they're mean to me. I was called ugly by kids all the time when i was younger. I was called all kinds of stuff regularly and was an outcast-1 of the only 1s- from my peers every day. Me, and then me and Mighty Heidi Happy Hippo once she came to our school in 4th or 5th grade. In 5th (and maybe 6th?) grade, nicole, too. Then she was gone. Not many boys that i can remember. A kid named Mark in 3rd or 4th grade got harassed like near constantly because he had a big birthmark on his face. He did not go to our school for very long. I guess my class and jessicas - the students a year ahead of us - the meanest groups to come through the school like ever, per joel wirkkala. We had substitute teachers never return to our school because of my class. And out in the sticks, sub teachers, or anyone for anything, is in limited supply. At least it was back then, before the accessibility of the internet made its way into our classrooms and homes around 1997 or 1998.

330am Laid awake in chair until

Got phone and shower stuff from bedroom

Went in bathroom remembered food grade 12% hydrogen peroxide used an entire cap of that with q-tips

Found evidence in living room of max not feeding haven after i was in bed - packs of unopened top ramen laying on the floor - that means haven was digging in food drawers for something to eat found those and brought them to max, but apparently didn't receive any food because i saw no evidence of that - no garbage wrappers, no bowls or plates or utensils or cups, no partially or uneaten food otherwise laying around - so that means haven went hungry last night because i went to bed. This is my responsibility and why i cant leave here and why i must be here as much as possible. Max doesnt do shit for Haven if no one is there to make him. He never has. He actually used to be way worse than this, when haven was even less of a human to him.

• 730am So tire this morning haven up no time to clean up for him had a plate of food ready for him tho he didnt touch it all day for some reason: sliced strawberries, apple slices, diced apple, 1/2 banana, peeled clementine orange pieces sliced in half to make them easier for haven to eat, 1/2 bagel, piece of whole wheat bread, juice box with straw ready, ice water

• Crackhead knocking at least 2x

10/1015am Back to bed max left haven screaming daddy daddy no daddy

Said he needed to shower before he left but haven wouldn't "let" him

Said he would just brush his teeth then leave

But like yesterday he didn't brush his teeth before he left. Does he just not brush them or is there a place he regularly goes where he keeps that stuff? Hmmmmm i dont really care. What I care about is his regular lies to haven and i, and his priority to whatever these lies are hiding instead of priority to his son

Also the fact that he knows i have endless things to do but lies to me and leaves haven and i alone instead of being with him

Before he went out door said to me: why dont you go home?

Then he left screaming haven with me without another word to him

Haven came into room to bed tried to get me to roll around i played peek a boo and interacted as much as i could but no rolling upset him

330pm i woke up and made it to kitchen couldnt believe how late it was

Crackhead knocked at least 2x while i was awake this afternoon

530pm Haven woke up asking where his daddy was so i offered to have him call but Max's phone off for some reason. Called at least 3 times and theres no reason his phone would be dead- he has multiple travel charging banks and his Prius he can charge in and shit loads of charging cords

Plus he would long be done with "working " if he had such obligation to do so today

645pm max got back acting dazed haven was talking to him about what he was doing and stuff and max completely ignored him so i began responding to Haven's information offerings and apologized on Max's behalf

This apartment is fucking disgusting and is messier after Mac stole all my belongings and left them somewhere

It's impossible for me to catch up on cleaning because max is just as messy as haven, he really is, except he's lazy as fuck too and will sit on his phone staring late into the night just sitting there and not do a thing to clean after himself or haven

I am completely unable to do laundry so that largely contributes to how disgusting it is in here as I'm unable to wash anything to make it clean