In re: the Disappearance of

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In May 2017, Frankie's father, Jerry Jr., made a dramatic appearance into our 15 year-old child's life. I didn't know that the two had begun to communicate.
I left Jerry Jr. before Frankie was 2 months old, and I was only 17.
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Jerry Jr. had never been a part of Frankie's life; he hadn't once sent a birthday card, or even asked for her picture. Despite this, Jerry Jr., with experienced guidance, was successful in manipulating his estranged child and coerced her from her home state to where he lived in Fairbanks, Alaska.

Jerry Jr. had no legal authority to assume custody and did so with a plan to keep Frankie and Frankie's location a secret as long as he possibly could. Click here to see Jerry Jr.'s manipulative and strikingly unemphatic messages with Frankie.

Frankie arrived in Fairbanks to a residence full of total strangers. In addition to her father, she was to live in close quarters with his fiancée, her three children, and her eldest child’s boyfriend, for a total of six people Frankie had never before even spoken with. Both adults have criminal records and a combined income low enough to qualify Jerry Jr. for state cash and/or food assistance.
Frankie told family that she felt uncomfortable and unhappy staying at her father’s house. She said her feelings were getting stronger every day. She report that there wasn't enough food for her to eat and she went hungry a lot. She regularly had to ask, and then ask again, for simple, everyday food items.
Frankie felt like her father only wanted her around as a way to get revenge on me, her mother, and to get out of paying child support. Her dad reinforced her theory when he told his father, Frankie's paternal grandfather, that Frankie was grounded for talking to me - her mother.

On July 3, Frankie sent me:
He [Jerry Jr.] never talks to me... I barely see him even on his days off...
I feel like the only reason he wants me here is to get revenge
on you and I hate it I feel like I'm being used
Frankie was treated very differently than the other kids in the house. Aside from not being allowed to receive or send communication, every school day, she was forced to watch the other 3 kids left for school every morning, and had to stay behind at Jerry Jr.'s house because he hadn't enrolled her in school.
came and went nearly as much as they pleased, they were allowed to have friends and attend events and play games and text people on their cell phones. The family would frequently leave to pick up fast food or treats from the grocery store like donuts or movie-watching junk food snacks and not bring back anything for Child #1, claiming to not know what she would want. The family would go on outings and everyone would bring back something new, but Child #1 wasn't allowed to leave and was not brought back anything.






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Jerry Jr.'s Court Petition for Custody of Frankie
In July 2017, Jerry Jr. asked the Alaska Superior court to make him the full legal and primary physical custodian of Frankie. The order in place at the time had been unchanged for approximately 15 years. He'd already asked the court and been denied any amount of custody on two separate occasions, allowed instead to coordinate supervised visitations with a professional visit supervision business at their location for one visit in the length of two hours or less per week.
A Judge Didn't Allow Jerry Jr. Any Custody on Two Separate Occasions
Some of the reasons the court did not give Jerry Jr. any custody rights the first two times he asked for them were specified as follows:
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(a) his admitted history of severe domestic violence against me during and after my pregnancy with our child, Frankie,
(b) his endangerment of infant Frankie, and
(c) his court-determined inability to care for a child.
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Jerry Jr.'s Petition for Custody Granted by Default
Jerry Jr. didn't tell me or anyone that I knew that he had gone to court for a legal custody change. He provided the court with invalid addresses for me and let it believe I had been notified and served with the documents he'd submitted to it, even though I hadn't been told what was happening or received a copy of his court documents. The court granted his request (since the court received no response from me, his request was granted by default) and a new custody and support order was issued. The court noted: "No objection has been filed."
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Jerry Jr. Used Dishonest Methods to Get the New Custody Order
Jerry Jr. used deceptive methods in order to get the court to give him custody of Frankie:
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(a) he intentionally misled the court through misrepresentation of himself, of me, and of the custodial matter's history, and
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(b) he intentionally manipulated the court's assumptions regarding his fulfillment of judicial procedural requirements set into place by law under Alaska Civil Rule 4, and required of every person that files any document that's related to an issue that involves any other person or business. The State of Alaska courts website offers very simple, step-by-step instructions on these requirements.
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These dishonest methods are expanded upon here.
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Frankie Disappeared Around the Time Jerry Jr. Submitted His Petition to Court
Around the same time that Jerry Jr. asked the court to change Frankie's custody arrangements, Frankie disappeared. No one I knew, and no one that I didn't know but sought out anyway from her friends lists online said they'd heard from her or seen her active online. Frankie's friends reported that it was completely uncharacteristic of Frankie to be absent so long, especially without telling anyone why. Her friends posted publicly to her different account pages, trying to get her attention. I was contacted by people I barely knew who wanted to know why Frankie wasn't responding to their messages; they wanted to know what was going on with Frankie. And I couldn't tell them.
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Jerry Jr. Planned Frankie's Disappearance & Concealment
Jerry Jr. vengefully executed a premeditated course of action that needlessly severed Frankie's long-standing relationships with friends and family, and tyrannically removed his only child's right to physical privacy and the ability to make any decisions about her own life. His selfishly-motivated and devastatingly destructive actions effectively robbed our child, and myself, of the experience of the last years of her childhood, and the opportunities she would have had to naturally grow into adulthood with her peers.
Not only did Jerry Jr. remove all traces of Frankie from her life in Seattle, he cruelly didn't allow her to create a new life in Fairbanks. He removed from our child the ability to live, and instead kept watch over her nearly 24/7 - Frankie wasn't allowed to leave the house, and Jerry Jr. was unemployed and averse to physical and mental exertions of any kind, aside from using a remote control or lifting his hand from his taint to his mouth.
Frankie Was Maliciously Hidden by Jerry Jr.
In an obviously pre-meditated effort, Frankie's father did all he could to keep their location unknown and kept secret from others. Frankie wasn't allowed to leave the house except for the rare occasion she was allowed to accompany her dad to Safeway Carrs' grocery store.
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Child's Schooling Was Prematurely Ended
Prior to her disappearance from the life she had in Seattle, Frankie actively and participated in a handful of online social networks. Without warning, she was abruptly torn from her schooling in mid-May, just before completely finishing her freshman year at Center School, a small arts-based high school located at the Center House under the Seattle Space Needle.
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Child's Emotional Supports Were Traumatically Severed
Frankie coordinated weekly with a certified therapist to spend an hour during her lunch break at Center School or immediately after school to meet at the Seattle Center House. Frankie told me she really liked her therapist and the arrangement in general - I heard only very positive things about it. Frankie told me she learned ways to work through her emotions and how to deal with conflict and other stressful situations. I spoke with her therapist on the phone about once per quarter, and I got good feels from the situation on my lonely, as well. She seemed very friendly, upbeat, intelligent, and straight-forward, and she spoke clearly with words I could comprehend.
Frankie also had access to after-school homework assistance every weekday.
On July 7, Krystin’s voice and other contributions were entirely silenced online and elsewhere. Messages here and here. Also here - worried shes alive
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Jerry Jr. is Wrongfully Trying to Get Child Support
Frankie is now an adult, and Jerry Jr. is attempting to collect child support from me in an amount over $13,000 for a period of about 2 years. See my response to the service of 2018-dated child support documents in 2021 by clicking here. I disputed owing any of the $13k asserted as owed in the 2018-dated support order documents for reasons including, but not limited to, the following:
(a) the order was incorrectly calculated,
(1) the father owed $5544.56 as of June 27, 2017,
(2) The support calculation has an incorrect amount calculated as my income,
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(b) the order was illegitimately obtained by Jerry Jr., and
(c) Frankie and I are victims of an extreme incidence of custodial interference at the hands of Jerry Jr.
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I believe Jerry Jr.'s efforts were pre-meditated for the following reasons:
Jerry Jr. and his girlfriend kept their location hidden.
1. Jerry Jr. took steps to establish and maintain residence at a new location and didn't tell anyone he knew what his new address was.
<link SMG message to me re they had just moved before K's arrival, no location known>
2. Neither Jerry Jr. or his girlfriend updated their address as legally required with the DMV .
<link my message to SMG re no recent reported DMV address per FBX police>
3. Frankie's dad changed residence immediately prior to Frankie's arrival, and in fact, hadn't yet completed the move when Frankie arrived.
<link to Eme message to child re dad just moved in w/GF>.
4. Jerry Jr. used a P.O. Box for his court filing, and indicated to the court that he wanted to keep his residential address confidential due to safety concerns.
<link to filing page with his POB named as location>
5. Frankie's paternal grandfather, Jerry Sr., also lived in Fairbanks, but didn't know he location his son's new residence.
<link SMG message to me re dad no have location>
6. A few months after arriving, Frankie directly asked for the residence address and Jerry Jr.'s new phone number. Frankie needed the information for a pizza delivery, but Jerry Jr. completely ignored the request. However, he immediately responded to a text from his girlfriend's child - who Frankie was with - .that requested the same information for the same reason.
<link to K msg to Noreen saying dad ignored msg asking for address>
7. Frankie's dad was obviously angry when just a week or to into Frankie's stay, Frankie was able to receive mail at Jerry Jr.'s new physical residential address.
<link to k msg to jerry jr asking if mad & getting mail>
8. When contact information was demanded from the C.A., caseworker Cindy Cherry and supervisor Linda Karu claimed that the father had moved and hadn't provided the organization with his new address. However, the C.A. actually recommended the relocation be made to Jerry Jr. Cherry alleged and made note that it requested a walk-through be conducted at the new location, performed by affiliates in Alaska. Cherry and supervisor Karu would have needed to disclose Jerry Jr.s new physical location for the walk-through. Therefore, I also believe that Washington C.A. employees made recommendations, gave advice and guidance, and also covered the ass trail of Jerry Jr. in a team effort for furthering of their individual selfish causes.
<Link to mom message CC saying they moved>
<Production Cherry notes re request of walk through - is this in file produced??>
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2. Child #1's dad strategically changed his phone number <link to mom message re phone # disconnected> around the time he discreetly filed with the court for a change in the child's custody and child support order, an order that had been in place and unchanged for over 13 years. <link to original order> Neither #1's paternal grandfather or paternal aunt were privy to the new number. When the information was demanded from the C.A., caseworker Cindy Cherry and supervisor Linda Karu once again claimed ignorance, saying that the phone number they had on file had been disconnected and the organization didn't have a new number. <Link to same message as above I think>
3. In the C.A. meeting document Child #1's dad filed with the court <link to FAR document> (which I didn't receive until September 2017 after requesting a copy of the order changing custody and related papers from the Fairbanks Superior Court <link to my request for filings> (the court wouldn't send me a free copy or expedite delivery, despite my being the named responding party)), it is indicated that: Father is seeking custody in AK court. The C.A. document is dated in May, but the documents filed with the court are dated June 29. <Link to notarized page signed 6/29> Further, though all the court documentation that was filed was dated and notarized on June 29, #1's dad waited 4 more days, until July 3 - the day before a national holiday - to secretly file the paperwork asking the court to legally give him all rights of custody for Child #1. <Link to clerk stamped 'FILED ON' page> This was likely a small pre-meditated strategy that was hoped would add to the likelihood of the successful filing of his incomplete and fraudulent paperwork, and result in the successful granting of his motion.
4. The C.A. meeting document also referenced the new residence and a walk-through allegedly performed <Link to FAR document page> by Alaska Office of Children's Services ("OCS") - something I demanded be performed as a safety precaution. In order for the C.A. to truthfully not have the new address, the agency would have had to lie about the walk-through allegedly completed by OCS (documentation confirming its performance has not been produced), because the C.A. would have had to provide OCS with a location for the walk-through, and therefore have Child #1's dad's new address.
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Child #1's dad gave vague information about the walk-through's performance before her arrival, stating: ___________________________. <Link to Bio quote> If the C.A. was not dishonest about the completion of the OCS walk-through, then it intentionally was assisting Child #1's father in his concealment of Child #1 by lying about having the address of the new residence and withholding the information from me, the child's mother, and from the child's other family members.
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*Child #1's dad did all in his ability to prevent #1 from communicating with friends, family and all previously known persons from around July 7 (4 days after his secret request to the court for custody) until #1 was a legal adult. He did this by changing the home's Wifi password (he at first told #1 that their Wifi had been disconnected) <link to K message re no Wifi>, confiscating all electronics he knew to be in Child #1's possession, and forbidding Child #1 have access to any phones or computers in the residence. and
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*In addition to being forbidden from communication with known persons, #1 was denied the opportunity to locally interact with peers and all other persons outside of the residence.
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Further, Jerry Jr. kept Child #1 from access to a social worker with OCS. After phone calls and an in-person visit to his residence, an address that Investigator Dana H. Angelo told me was confidential, the social worker was denied the ability to speak with or lay eyes on Child #1.
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Child #1 Suffered Abuse & Neglect in Father's Home
Child #1 told her cousins, who lived with her paternal aunt, Sarah, her paternal grandfather, Jerry Gardiner, Sr., and I, her mother, about ways she was mistreated and neglected while in the home of her father, Jerry Gardiner, Jr.:
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*her dad regularly told her that she was “f*****g stupid” along with variances of the same (dumb, stupid, etc.);
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*her dad regularly made fun of her appearance in front of other members of the household. The following links bring up Child #1's messages with me that tell me some of the things that her dad had done during her time at his house on "lockdown:"
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​This is a link to some b.s. a textbook abuser did to hurt an innocent child
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*her father loudly complained and/or called her a “freeloader” when she was forced to ask for something like food or time using WiFi for assignments in the long-distance learning program he enroller her in at the grade level she had just completed (she should have been enrolled for sophomore-level coursework, but her father instead enrolled her at the freshman level);
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*her dad screamed curses at her, severely frightening her;
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*Jerry Jr. told his only child that her mother didn't want to talk to and didn't want to hear from her. He told Frankie that I never asked about her, even though I contacted him regularly, almost daily. It became something I went through phases of dreading because it felt kind of humiliating and draining. Every time I directly dealt with the issue, I became fired up and so intensely angry while also sick, literally nauseated sick, with concern and empathy for Frankie, and I think sometimes I was avoiding that feeling on those days I didn't message Jerry Jr. Every message I did send provided my phone number along with a request or demand that Frankie contact me by the end of the day, or that I be given information on how I could successfully communicate with them. I often cited the laws that gave me rights to a parent-child relationship <link to laws> with Child #1, no matter who had legal and physical custody, and that he was concealing Child #1 from myself and her very concerned family members illegally; <Link to my messages to Bio>
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*Jerry Jr. forced her to scrape cigarette butts belonging to him and his girlfriend out of the ice with bare hands, though Child #1 does not smoke cigarettes or anything else;
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*Jerry Jr. and his girlfriend live a very trashy lifestyle at a level most of us have never even seen, with a narrow path from the entrance of their bedroom to the bed, the rest of the room piled with garbage and unnavigable clutter. They made repeat demands that Child #1 clean their personal bathroom, a space that otherwise was never cleaned;
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*Child #1's door was removed out of anger by her father and she was not allowed to have a bedroom door, even though most of the people in the house were male;
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*was given a bunny for Christmas, but when her father decided one day that the bunny's cage wasn't clean enough, he took the bunny away and gave it to another person a teen who didn't live with them.
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*was denied access to counseling services, despite the agreement set forth in the meeting document Jerry Jr. filed with the court (page 7 of this document); and
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*was only allowed three (3) pairs of underwear during her time on lockdown at the residence of her biological father and his girlfriend. Since the very first days of her arrival, she had to repeatedly request hygiene items like Head & Shoulders shampoo and feminine hygiene products, and was even refused her request for one razor; Jerry Jr. told her she would have to wait for him to receive more money before she could have one.
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Child #1s Father Withheld Access to Necessary Specialized Medical Care
*Child #1 was denied access to previously lifelong-provided observation and treatment from medical specialists for 2 rare spine conditions she had grown up with and received major surgeries for in 2013. Post-surgical follow-up appointments with Dr. Krajbich and Dr. Selden, specialists in Portland, Oregon who both performed separate operations on her spine, were left unfulfilled. Follow-up observation was not coordinated with any other physician, not even a general practitioner. Child #1's appointments with the neurosurgeon and orthopedic surgeon familiar with her medical history were indisputable priorities of the upmost importance, especially because of #1's youth and the ongoing physical changes happening with her body. The specialized monitoring of #1's growth would have allowed the surgeons to make adjustments as #1 grew to allow her a maximum amount of painless comfort and flexibility.
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Father Refused to Communicate with Me About Caring for Child #1
I initiated contact with Child #1's dad in June, 2017, because he didn't contact me about #1, which I had very much expected him to do. Click here to see some of the messages I sent to Jerry Jr. about Child #1. I incorrectly assumed that he'd want to learn about the 15-year old daughter that he'd, until that point, allowed to exist as a complete stranger. His lack of concern and his unwillingness to work with me on giving our child the best life we possibly could was one of the first red flags to me about the situation (aside from the lack of participation in his only child's life for 15 years). He never contacted me to ask about our child's physical, medical, or emotional needs, despite being fully aware of her lifelong history of specialized medical care.
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Jerry Jr.'s intentional and outrageous neglect to our child's need for specialized care has largely, if not entirely, contributed to our daughter's current physical condition, which has her suffering from debilitating back pain every single day. She is barely 20 years old.
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Father Withholds 15-Year Bonded Relationship from Child & Mother, Despite Requests, Demands & Potential Legal Consequences
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My Request to Police for Welfare of Child Check
After a month of no word from or sign of Child #1 and no way to communicate with Jerry Jr. due to his strange refusal to communicate with me (he'd blocked my Facebook messenger account at the end of June. That was the only contact information I had been able to locate for him.), I contacted the Fairbanks Police Department. I asked that a welfare check be performed for a minor child who'd been MIA for at least 30 days after leaving their home state of Washington to stay with their father, who they'd never met. I let them know that Jerry Jr. had been criminally charged for violence perpetrated on me and for endangering the child when she was only a newborn. I told the operator about his threats to kidnap #1 and leave the country with her.
I was expected to provide an address for the police to perform the welfare check at. I didn't have an address, and I couldn't locate anyone or any organization that did. I was told DMV records hadn't been updated for Jerry Jr. or his girlfriend for over 10 years. I contacted a previous co-worker, a Marine veteran and (at the time) employee with the Detention Center in Fairbanks, and asked him to help me investigate any potential addresses I located for Jerry Jr. My uncle happened to be working in Fairbanks at the time, and I also contacted him to see if he could look for Jerry Jr. and get his address, and hopefully personally communicate with Child #1. Our combined efforts to locate my only child were unsuccessful. I ended up giving the police a few internet-pulled addresses that I hadn't assigned my uncle and Marine veteran friend to because of the unlikelihood of Jerry Jr. and company actually living there.
After a few days, I did a follow-up call to the police station as I hadn't been contacted about Child #1. I was told that officers visited the addresses I had provided, but had not located Jerry Jr., his girlfriend, or #1. I provided Jerry Jr.'s employer information and was told officers would attempt to contact Jerry Jr. there to get his residential address, in order to perform the check.
Event notes recorded on August 9 reflect that after several attempts, officers were unable to verify Jerry Jr.'s residential address, and so located him at his place of work, Fred Meyer's. Jerry Jr. then told officers about the “actual situation” surrounding our daughter's disappearance, which the officers logged as:
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Daughter has not been able to contact mother through Facebook or phone
because she is currently grounded from the internet because she “bad mouthed”
several family members on Facebook. Father stated there are good reasons to
why she does not know his address because he does not want her to end up
here somehow and harass him and his family.
Click here to see a PDF copy of the Fairbanks police officer event notes.
After entertaining the policemen at his place of employment, Jerry Jr. unblocked my Facebook messaging account to send the following:
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Call the cops on me? Seriously? The hell is your deal? I have full legal
custody, so stop the harassment.
(August 8)
Two days later, Jerry Jr. unblocked me again to send the following threat (even though I hadn't responded to his last message) before once again blocking my account:
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Just so you’re aware. The custody is legit, and I did send you the required
paperwork, and told you that I’d sent paperwork that had to do with
krys(which isn’t required by the way). The courts gave me full legal custody,
and full discretion over what if any visitation would be allowed.
Don’t make me have to get a restraining order against you for harassing me
and my family.
(August 10)
Early the next morning (at 3:06 a.m.), Jerry Jr. once again unblocked my account to send more unbelievable and outrageous words:
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[K]rys and I talked tonight about things, and she doesn’t want to have any
distractions while trying to get her life together, so she agrees that having
no contact with you is best for her at this time.
(August 11, 3:06 a.m.)
Look, you need to quit with the Bullshit. Don’t be sending your tweaker
uncle to my work. Keep this up, and I’ll file a restraining order against you,
your mom, and mark.
(August 28)
Very confused and with no amount of trust for anything that was communicated to me, I didn't respond to anything sent by Jerry Jr. until August 29.
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...was transported to FMH (Fairbanks Mental Health) at the request of her father, who met her there for a mental health evaluation.
(June 30)
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Defendant’s Intentional Infliction of Emotional & Mental Anguish & Distress
I hadn't heard from my only child since July 5, 2017 (TF Aff. Ex. 23 p. 8), and she wasn't able to communicate with me.
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On August 11, Jerry Jr. logged onto Child #1's Facebook account and sent me a message (pretending to be #1):
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“Mom, stop. You’re delusional. My father’s only doing what’s best for me.”
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A second statement followed:
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“You need help for real.”
These messages were fraudulently sent by Jerry Jr. from #1's account and transmitted to me at 3:09 a.m. with the deliberate intent of causing emotional and mental anguish and distress.
I was able to immediately recognize that the messages sent from #1's account weren't actually from her. I hadn't heard from #1 in over a month, and the statements were out of context. The messages I had sent immediately before Jerry Jr. sent me messages from #1's account were not about Mr. Gardiner. My most recent message before Jerry Jr.'s August 11 response was a GIF of a parrot closing a box over a house cat.
Around the same time that early morning, Jerry Jr. used his own Facebook messenger account to send my mother/#1's grandmother, and me, messages about #1 that were sent with the intent to inflict emotional and mental harm, anguish and distress. At 3:06 a.m., he sent me:
[K]rys and I talked tonight about things, and she doesn’t want to have any
distractions while trying to get her life together, so she agrees that having no
contact with you is best for her at this time.
(August 11)
Around 3:00 a.m., Jerry Jr. sent my mother:
Look, I’m done dealing with people who do nothing but bring drama. Krys
agrees that having no contact with you or tess is whats best for her going
forward, so no we do not need any help. Krys doesn’t want any distractions
while trying to get her life together. We had a talk about everything tonight,
and she agreed that she needs to focus on her future without interference
from her mother or you. When she’s older and if she decides to contact you,
that’s her choice, and always will be. Good bye.
(August 11)







<LINK ALL OF THIS TO DOCUMENTATION & ANY EXPANDED RELATED TEXT ABOVE>
May 17:
9:-- a.m.: Text from Frankie to me: Being "pulled away." Taken without notice out of school, brought to an unknown building, told to sit in room alone until "the lady [came] back." Couldn't say location. Told had to leave Seattle for Fairbanks, AK to dad who'd never contacted Frankie, but had criminal record that included multiple felonies & dozens of misdemeanors.
May 20: Frankie left Seattle, WA and arrived in Fairbanks, AK
July 7: Last date anyone I contacted had heard from Frankie
August 11
3:06 a.m.: Frankie's dad, Jerry Gardiner, Jr. announced Frankie wants 0 contact with the World +
_______ Frankie's dad threatened a restraining order encompassing the entire maternal family for Great Uncle's attempt and requests to see Frankie
_______ Fairbanks police officers aborted welfare check without residential address determined after speaking with Jerry Jr. at his place of employment.
_______ I contacted every high school in Fairbanks, AK, pretending Frankie was a newly-enrolled student and that their cell phone and lunch had been left behind. I asked if they could get Frankie on the line, or alternatively, when was Frankie's lunch period so I could bring it by then?
Each time the puzzled secretary told me Frankie wasn't listed as an enrolled student, I apologized and acted as though I must have confused the names of the schools and called the wrong one. I had a nervous breakdown after confirming with the last high school in Fairbanks, AK that Frankie was not enrolled there, or anywhere, in Fairbanks.
June 30: Alaska State Troopers intervened at the home of Frankie's paternal grandfather, Jerry Sr., where he and Jerry Jr. had been aggressively arguing. Jerry Jr. had arrived at Jerry Sr.'s house without warning and accused Jerry Sr. of kidnapping Frankie. His accusation was bizarre due to the fact that Jerry Jr. had "kicked [Frankie] out" a few days before. He had given Frankie only 15 minutes warning to pack.
Jerry Jr. tried to make Frankie leave Jerry Sr.'s house with him, but Frankie refused. Frankie wanted to stay with Jerry Sr., safe from the anxiety-laden, isolated, existence on lock down 24/7 as Jerry Jr.'s prisoner, victim to his endless, senseless hostility and unchecked, abusive treatment. Jerry Sr.'s wife called the Alaska State Troopers when the men's argument began to get physical.
June 30: Frankie is taken to Fairbanks Memorial Hospital Emergency Room and checked in to Fairbanks Mental Health, per Jerry Jr.'s request.
Linkies to Various Docs I may want to linkie to perhaps
I tell #1 what happened w/Sophie's mom & I accidental broke UHaul van window
May 13 trying to meet up w/Frankie
May 15 Frankie asks where are u? & I was very busy
May 15 Lady Left Weird Msg Saying I Abandoned & Show Up @ Night
May 15 Heart Feels to Frankie dont want you to see or be in this
May 15 re I Will Call to CPS Lady Far & Staying Alive
May 15 Me to Frankie you can come stay w me anytime i will find a way for us
June 30 Jerry Jr.'s text "Notice" to me
Eme tells Frankie that Bio just moved in with GF at beginning of May
Msg to Sarah re Police Report & well-child check (they never checked child)
August 30 Jerry Jr.'s text pic of order
Legal document exhibits in in Google Drive in PDF final version ready to file
Re-Sent
I kept re-writing because I get really nervous and I don't know what It is OK to say in text, in a way that won't get taken the wrong way, or not taken the right way. I mean like
I want there to be feeling in the words not some stupid empty words and so I think sometimes
I write in an over-descriptive way that's really dumb to try and get emotion across to you
and then it's not 'me'-feeling anymore, or it's
too much me,
like super emotional imbalance-looking kind of borderline insane message words, and
I don't want it to look like that either.
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There's so much that has gone wrong,
or I guess so much that has changed. Like, everything. With our family/our relationship
as mother and bb/mother and teen/old soul friends/ effed up mom who wants to be good but is too scared and delusional to see reality of relationship with bb teen & of themselves - and - teen who feels trapped and taken for granted and unseen/unheard/unloved (i am just guessing from the top of my head And I am just now writing these words and really haven't given it much thought so if I'm wrong please don't be offended I'm just kind of talking from my butt gut)
plus ____[fill in the blanky]______.
As well as the other everythings, like your life and what we each, separately and together, what our ideas of what was gonna happen in your life were.
Any semblance of what we thought we knew, that reality and those potential realities, vanished from both our lives
and new "reality" has been so unkind and uncertain, at least for me, ever since.
I think I have anxiety about communicating with you because I put a lot of pressure on myself to try and explain I don't know everything kind of I guess because there's been so much time not together and life and personality-altering encounters and events that we haven't had a chance to share, to really talk about and share our opinions about and explain to each other. Really important things. Really important.
I feel like there's so much I don't know about you and so it's weird because in my head I'm communicating to you like like it's the last time I saw you like you're 15 because that's the last 'you' that i 'know.'
But I know that you're actually like 30 now and so I'm trying to create a character of you that is a combination of 15 1/2 year-old you and the present day you, with consideration given to the things you've been through lots of them being things i dont know about and how that has shaped your outlook and opinions and how what i say will or will not effect you.
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I think what I'm trying to say is it it's hard for me to send just a simple message saying 'hello there i miss you.'
When I try to send you just a sentence
it always ends up being like me trying to prove myself to you and maybe moreso trying to prove myself to me and alleviate my own insecurities (talking out my butt again - this is all more speculation that really is kind of pointless and doesn't matter so if you feel like it's stupid and a waste of time, then it probably is.
See and that sounds really insecure and stupid to me and I just wanna delete it but I think I'm going to leave it as an example to show you how I have been writing you for about an hour now and this is what I have to show for it. But hey. I am trying and I want you to see that
I'm trying to say something that matters. But what is it? and I want you to believe that I've been doing nothing - nothing at all - but sitting on the floor - because my phones charging I'm sitting on the floor with my phone charging - my phone in my hand writing you that's all I've been doing. I'm in a hallway with nothing around me except dirty laundry and I've just been drafting this hugeMass of words from an insecure mother to you and I've been using the word insecure too much but you know what I'm gonna leave it because of what I just said in these last few sentences.
Please forgive me. I'm just a man. A merman, pop. Merman. A dollar is only worth the value that we believe that it is. So if a dollar means it's a lot of money value to you, then a dollar will be like $100 is to someone who thinks $100 is a lot of value money.
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So i cant send just a sentence apparently because of a desperate need to communicate so much after so much no communicate has my brain frazzled at the minimum and i end up sending a message or messages telling you whatever I feel like needs to be said (but what is it??) and then I end up saying nothing really like I am right now. I spent so much time writing this when it doesn't even really say anything and it's frustrating and it's upsetting and I spend half an hour to an hour and a half or longer writing messages and/or thinking about writing messages and then not sending anything. What I'd like to convey to you is that I love you and I want to somehow impart a feeling of security to you in the knowledge of my love for you And like try and get you to understand like I love you so much. And then I think about how many times I have shut down and just disappeared when I didn't want to but physically was unable to do anything.
All these periods of time over the last six months that I absolutely entirely physically shut down and was very much emotionally numb and mentally simple. I think it was reactive to stress. Ive wanted to become free from this self-preservation of emotional numbness that I learned/acquired. When you were missing,
I begged God and I begged the devil and I begged any energy that could possibly help me to help me not feel anything.
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I begged them because I couldn't function or do anything the least bit practical or useful.
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I lived in so much sickening fear and pain for you, imagining what you must have been experiencing: knowing how important your freedom of self was; your privacy, how important it was for you to be able to communicate with friends, to be able to have ways to express yourself and people to share those parts of yourself with;
i knew you appreciated being able to have your therapist visit your school once a week and it helped you feel validated and ok and heard and you know get advice on how to constructively deal with your emotions or situations that you were experiencing and that you placed value in keeping some of your experiences confidential between you and the therapist and I thought that was healthy and I thought it was important for you to have that in your life.
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The inspiration you received from your deep and beautiful love for music, the emotional outlet available for you in music, the feeling of pride and accomplishment and joy you had in writing and creating music.
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I knew that your back hurt you sometimes and by contacting your medical providers and your school I knew that you weren't able to see a doctor regularly Because a competent physician would have insisted on requesting your prior medical records especially after learning of the surgeries and lifelong treatment you've had for your back.
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I knew that there were events you wanted to go to with your friends and that there was a lot you wanted to do. A lot you were looking forward to in Seattle and I knew you needed to be around people in order for your heart to be ok, to be happy and whole, It killed me to think that everything you cared about was very likely being withheld from you and that everything you needed was intentionally made to be inaccessible to you.
I knew that he didn't love you that your biological dad didn't love you. If I had any reason to think you were appreciated, cared for, and safe, I wouldn't have been in such a mentally anguished and inconsolable condition.
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I really had no clues available as to what your situation actually was. But after speaking with Sarah and people online that I had met in person and that I knew were your friends locally, and after looking at your Wattpad and Facebook accounts and seeing you hadnt logged on in over a month, I was very very concerned for your happiness. I felt like you probably weren't in a place that was emotionally healthy and I was seriously concerned for your physical health, and after I talked to the last high school in Fairbanks and found out you weren't enrolled I lost my mind and after a week or two of that hysteria without any support of my own, and going through my life falling apart otherwise as you saw the beginnings of, I just I couldn't handle that feeling anymore I couldn't function
I couldn't wipe my ass correctly in that condition.
I know what it's like to be absolutely cut off from everything. I can't say I know exactly how you felt.
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When I was a teenager spent over six weeks straight in solitary confinement. Have I told you that a million times already? Have i ever told you?
I had a few other week plus long stints in solitary because the police in Astoria Oregon saw me and I was drunk and so they put me in a room
with a metal toilet and left me there and
didn't tell me when I'd be leaving or
if I'd ever be leaving. My mom never contacted me or visited me not even on thanksgiving; I saw everyone leave their cell to meet with visitors on Thanksgiving except for me, even these kids that were accused of murder or something had their family visit them I was the only one
who didn't have anyone visit them. That was
that cut off feeling, dude. I didn't get to talk
to anyone or ask anyone any questions, I was
just left there.
There was no mandatory out of cell time to exercise like adults get. I spent 24 hours a day almost every day in the very small concrete room by myself sitting on a concrete slab cut into the wall for a bed (they gave you a thin plastic pillow thing and 2 wool moving blankets as bedding right before bedtime each day and in the morning you gave them your bedding from the night before when they bring you morning food at like 5am.)
The lighting in there was that blinding buzzing unflattering Awful fluorescent tubing light No window No mirror No opportunity to talk to anyone no idea of when I'd be leaving.
I was never offered at any point a book, not even a Bible.
I was never offered at any point a piece of paper and/or a pencil.
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I was never offered any thing.
I just sat there.
I was locked in there.
Nobody gave a shit about me.
And it's true.
That was the cut off feeling. It feels like suffocating it feels like drowning in a space where there's no water. It feels like you need to scream. And tear out your brain.
And it feels frustrating and unfair and angry. And it feels alone and endless and it feels like nausea and nausea and it feels like life is over and whatever remains of it is nausea and drowning where there's no water.
And I imagined you being forced to feel that way every day because the things that were so important to you and that had become routine in your life were being with held from you unfairly
Without reason just out of coldness and cruelty and ignorance the worst kind of abusive ignorance that deserves cold and cruel punishment.
i can't begin to describe how painful and nauseating it was and then it was like up and down there would be less of it for a little bit but then it would just plummet back unexpectedly into this unbearable agony. Piercing in my heart and then wrenching down into my sick endless pit stomach.
And I begged to be numb.
I was pregnant with Haven during the time when I when I was able to talk to you again, I was over halfway through my pregnancy. Which I had a really hard time accepting, I don't know if I ever really did accept it as a reality,
I was pretty much in denial during my whole pregnancy.
All the mirrors in my daily life were the kind that you would only see from your shoulders up. The times I let myself stand on my tiptoes or a back up enough so that I could see my stomach, I was devastated felt like I was punched in the stomach I felt like I was in shock and I felt terrified like what am I gonna do like what am I gonna do I am pregnant what am I going to do. I couldn't believe it every time that I looked in the mirror, which wasn't very many times.
Max had left me to go live with his drug dealer in Kirkland and he left me on the street all that winter. I spent a lot of time outside. At night In parking garages or some strange space that wasn't comfortable or warm or restful or ok, but usually i would walk to keep warm. I started sneaking into Cole's nasty laundry room. It wasnt heated and there were spiders and nowhere to sit, but usually it was better than outside. Not always. Cole let me stay with him for a couple weeks at a time but he was very very physically and emotionally abusive when I stayed at his house. He was not happy about my undiscussed pregnancy.
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Every few weeks he forced me to leave in an emotionally psychotic and physically chaotic explosion, just horrible. And so I was pregnant and I was homeless and severely hopeless. Hadn't had a working phone in years.
And then I did not know what to say to you. Because what I wanted more than anything to say to you was what I wanted to be saying to you since you disappeared, which was
where the fuck are you tell me where you are and I'll get you a car to the airport and a ticket home today and I'll see you as soon as humanly possible in the next 24 hours.
But I didn't have anywhere for you to go and I didn't have anywhere for me to go and I didn't have a dollar to my name and I just was at a loss. I don't know. I'm sorry.
So leading up to another point that doesn't seem very pointful anymore after all that.
And it finally happened. I was able to function without being in indescribable pain. But the problem is I couldnt control the numbness. I couldnt turn my emotions back on when i wanted to feel like i cared about being on time to somewhere or when i decided i wanted to or needed to care about anything at all.
So I've been trying to recover from the numbness and feel again. I remember trying to open my heart to Haven and give him my love when he was distressed as a very young baby. He was born very fussy, he was unable to keep formula down and always hungry, he was constantly throwing up, he was always gassy. His face was constantly contorted in pain and he could never keep his food down.
I remember trying to give him comfort and give him my warmth and love from my heart, which was something I had done with you when you were distressed and young.
I remember not being able to comfort you once; you were maybe like between two and four years old and I could not console you. Maybe you had a nightmare or something, or maybe it was your back brace bothering you. But I remember holding you- maybe were sick. Anyways. I was holding you close and getting you as comfortable as I could get you and you were crying and
I remember feeling the warmth in my heart for you and how big my love for you made my heart and my chest area feel. I guess that's your heart chakra area and it just felt so big and warm and smiling and endless for you and
I remember focusing on that goodness that I had for you and sending it to you from my body to yours and transmitting it kind of communicating it through our physical contact.
And it calmed you down. I didn't say anything to you, that's all that I'd done after countless other actual things I had tried that night, that was what worked; easily opening my heart and giving you what I felt in it for you.
I felt love for Haven, but when I tried to call upon that feeling that I knew was there somewhere, it felt like my heart was closed. It felt hard and not warm, like a house that hasnt been used for years, and it was confusing and
I kept trying to do that for him but I couldn't do it. And ever since then I started putting real work into reawakening that part of me my heart chakra because I knew why it was closed and I knew that it needed to exist again, to function again, for me to be healthy and for my kids to get the love that they need from me.
And So when I was drinking heavily those years, the times I went to the doctor they noticed that my blood pressure was incredibly high. And when I was in the hospital after having Haven, I was also noted to have quite notable blood pressure. Like, dangerously hospitalization-level high heart rate.
And I think that the times I've been shutting down are because the emotion the power of it and how much there is invested in these extreme situations I've been experiencing, how important the happiness of you and your brother is to me, the heaviness of the unwarranted threats i still face with Haven, in how much it means to me how much you mean to me and how much I love you and how much I'm not what I want to be and I want my life to be for you. I've got these very very difficult and complex emotional issues to process after being numb for those years and with my high blood pressure condition that I experience under stress I think my body started shutting down in self-preservation against those stressors. When I get stressed, my symtoms are severe migraine and severe nausea to the point where I have to lay down, if I don't I'll puke and if I lift my head from my laying down position I will puke no matter what I can't hold back. It takes me a while to recover usually 2 to 4 days like I lose a week every time that I experience high blood pressure symptoms. And I think I get susceptible to those symptoms when the stress of the severity of my emotions begins to be processed and I think that's why I have physically been shutting down. It makes sense and it's validating to know that I'm not just a retard and I'm not lying and making it up like I really physically can't move because my body is like nope your heart rate so high that you're about to get sick so I'm gonna take your heart rate and make it really really low and you're not gonna be sick but you're not gonna be able to do anything either you're going to sit here for a couple days OK and yeah so that's that but it's real and I wanted to tell you that and I love you it's been 3 hours now so I'm gonna go i want to message you again soonBecause there's at least one thing that is not nothing that I want to communicate with you about it's not a big deal Don't be scared I just can't even try to embark upon that journey right now because who knows how long that Message is actually Going to be and if I will ever even get to the point of it I love you
and literally didn't do anything and in my head how I wrote you back then all those times I was writing you messages and I wanted to send them and I want to write them on paper and I wanted to write them anywhere but I couldn't I physically couldn't do anything and it sounds so we can stupid but it's true. And I and I think all the times they have let you down that I have let you down and I start worrying about what you must think of me and my self-esteem plummets even further then should be possible for anyone and that makes it harder to write you toEnd it also you know add to that stupid feeling that I have a that need that stupid need I feel to over explain the smallest thing to you or try and summarize I don't know whatever I'm trying to do that it's pointless, my insecurity there makes it so much worse and I don't know what I'm talking about this again


Links to the Things
1. Documentation of Jerry Jr.'s emotional manipulation of Frankie
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2. Alaska Court's name search results for Jerry Gardiner, Jr. showing history of judicial matters
___ Legal documentation of Jerry Jr.'s admitted history of violence
(My affidavit in support of motion for custody (2004))
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___ Alaska court document reflecting Jerry Jr.'s misdemeanor charge of family violence
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(Memorandum in Support of Plaintiff's Motion to Modify Custody (2004))
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__Communications from Frankie re not enough food to eat at father's house:
3. Jerry Jr.'s request to court for custody modification, including his allegations of abandonment and of CPS removing Frankie from my custody
9. Communications from Frankie re not happy in Fairbanks:
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1sKZdhT_KvrSm6MkUsk93oBZ4ISjgZVIR/view?usp=sharing
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1_2761y6e0872v6cjb5k4kXZZYKk5hGVP/view?usp=sharing
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1v-wJDR_AEN24A9yue04bg0o_-ZfACfmv/view?usp=sharing
11. Communications from Frankie re being used for revenge & to get out of paying child support:
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1ZfjPTDJ2Ca_uzKJ1ig7j9Gu_0RrYBQfO/view?usp=sharing
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12. Message re Frankie grounded from phone for talking to me, her mother
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13. Alaska State Trooper Incident Report (2018)
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14. "Action Plan" objectives, including: set up appointment for counseling (page 7)
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16. Decree of Divorce (December 2003), including custody and child support information
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17. Communications between Frankie's aunt and I, including info re Frankie's secret contact to cousins
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18. My messages to Frankie's father about my legal rights to reasonable communication with our child
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Court documents I drafted in re Frankie's disappearance:
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1. Exhibit: Messages re: Frankie's address (no. 6)
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3. Motion re Jurisdiction (55 KB)
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5. Motion to Set Aside Entry of Default (44 KB)
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6. Motion to Vacate re Jurisdiction (Olde)(150 KB)
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7. Exhibit: pics 1 - 4 (3.7 MB)
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8. Exhibit: pics 9 - 12 (3.4 MB)
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9. Exhibit: pics 13 - 16 (2.5 MB)
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10. Exhibit: pics 17 - 20 (2.8 MB)
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11. Exhibit: Messages between Frankie (in FBX) & I (11.3 MB)
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12. Exhibit: Defendant criminal docket (6.7 MB)
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13. Exhibit: Messages between Eme & Jerry Jr. (10.3 MB)
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14. Exhibit: Messages between Frankie & Jerry Jr. Pre-FBX (4.9 MB)
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15. Exhibit: Messages re not enough food for Frankie in FBX (32.5 MB)
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16. Exhibit: May 17 Messages from Frankie to me re leaving Seattle (3.4 MB)
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17. Exhibit: Communications re Frankie's last-seen date (26.9 MB)
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18. Exhibit: Communications re Frankie's last communications on July 7 (16.8 MB)
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19. Exhibit: pics 25 - 28 (3.9 MB)
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20. Exhibit: Messages between Frankie & Eme (2.3 MB)
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21. Exhibit: Messages between Frankie (in Seattle) & I (13.6 MB)
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22. Exhibit: FINAL version messages between Frankie (in Seattle) & I (49.9 MB)
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23. Exhibit: Frankie's address in FBX (10.9 MB)
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24. Exhibit: FBX Police Event Summary (Well-Child Check) (16.1 MB)
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25. Exhibit: Jerry Jr. criminal charges Counts I - III court document (1.2 MB)
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27. Notice of Motion re Jurisdiction (15 KB)
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28. Notice of Appearance & Certificate of Service (41 KB)
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29. Motion to Vacate - very olde (145 KB)
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30. Motion re Service (334 KB)
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34. Motion re Jurisdiction (59 KB)
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35. Motion re Home State (55 KB)
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36. Motion (366 KB)
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37. Proposed Order on Motion (38 KB)
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38. Motion (345 KB)
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39. Motion (34 KB)
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41. Motion to Vacate Strike & Reaffirm (29 KB)
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42. Motion for Tortious Custodial Interference (23 KB)
43. Declaration - final (11 KB)
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44. Exhibit: Texts between Eme & Frankie combined (136 KB)
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45. Exhibit: Messages between Frankie's aunt Sarah & I no. 17(a) (1.4 MB)
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46. Exhibit: Memorandum in support of plaintiff motion for interim custody (3.8 MB)
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47. Exhibit: Affidavit of [me] in Support of [my] Motion for Interim Custody (4.1 MB)
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48. Declaration in support of Emergency Motion to vacate (19 KB)
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49. Motion re Jurisdiction Olde (55 KB)
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50. Exhibit: Draft versions of texts between Jerry Jr. & I (folder)
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51. Emergency Motion for Expedited Consideration (232 KB)
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52. Headings to emergency motion (29 KB)
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53. Emergency Motion for Expedited Consideration (44 KB)
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54. Headings to motion (10 KB)
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55. Exhibit: Message Jerry Jr. to Frankie re: won't buy razor (599 KB)
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56. Exhibit: Message me to Sarah re: Fbx police 0 locate attempt (189 KB)
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57. Exhibit: Message Eme & Frankie re Wifi off (p. 2) (3.2 MB)
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58. Exhibit: Jerry Jr. Facebook post re: order (1.6 MB)
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59. Exhibit: pics 29 - 32 (1.8 MB)
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60. Exhibit: Messages Frankie to me from Jerry Sr.'s (folder)
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61. Exhibit: Message Jerry Jr. & Frankie re futon bruising (526 KB)
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62. Exhibit: C.A. records production policy (583 KB)
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63. Exhibit: pics Frankie & I bus to Ballard (404 KB)
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64. Exhibit: Messages Sarah & I draft (no. 17(a)) (3.1 MB)
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65. Exhibit: Shared planning meeting & App. 1 & 2 (no. 14(a)) (20.6 MB)​
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66. Exhibit: Messages Nana & I (no. 7) (8.2 MB)
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67. Exhibit: Messages Frankie & I Roosevelt invite (161 KB)
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68. Exhibit: Messages Frankie & I invite to Sophie again May 10 (162 KB)
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69. Exhibit: Messages Frankie & I Uhaul key (167 KB)
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70. Exhibit: Emails Sarah & I (1.6 MB)
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71. Motion "from Friday last" NEW TEMPLATE (38 KB)
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72. Motion to vacate summary document (29 KB)
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73. Motion to set aside and reaffirm (31 KB)
74. Jerry Jr. 2017 Motion clean copy
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